September 29, 2006

Bar Mitzvah Cheer

Planning a Bar Mitzvah gala can be stressful under any circumstances, but I am determined to remain serene. There are a number of personalities involved in this, any of which could cause me a nervous breakdown or at least an Excedrin headache. These include:

My mother, who is coming almost directly from China, jet-lagged and presumably in the same clothes she wore to climb the Great Wall.

My former in-laws, whose idea of punctuality differs from mine by about 40-90 minutes.

My former husband, who has been known to have second thoughts about venue, menu, dress minutes before an event begins.

My boys. Let's just say that their behavior is consistently unpredictable or predictably inconsistent.

None of this is going to get me down. Unlike my wedding, for which I felt responsible for all eventualities large and small (except divorce), this event is in God's hands now, so to speak. Not that I am not trying to smooth the way. I am. I have given the boys this speech a few times now. "You are Bar Mitzvah age now. That means you take responsibility for you own actions. If you misbehave or act silly in front of your invited guests, that is your own choice."

I also set some ground rules. The boys are not to be on the pulpit together. Each is to be accompanied individually by an adult at all times. They are not to sit together in the congregation. I have scoped out the location of exits in case I need to employ a “time-out.”

If all else fails, I can quietly contemplate the stained glass windows during the service. At the party, I plan to have a great time.

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