February

Chicagoans hate February and March. With good reason. The crisp winter air has turned into an incessant biting, arctic blast. January's white blanket of snow has long become a filthy gray mass of ice and slush. While we are carping about dry skin and cold feet, shoveling out the driveway again, we are resigned to two more months of this.

I have an additional seasonal complaint. Right around this time, as the stores are displaying shorts and sandals, the boys' winter gear gives out. Last year, during the first major snow, I trekked to the Lands End Outlet in Niles, the only place I thought actually might have boots in January. (Thank goodness for catalog returns, Not-Quite-Perfect and overruns!) The boys' boots from the previous season were now two sizes too small. Twelve months later, those boots are beyond snug. The calendar may say spring is on the way, but here it's boot-wearing weather well into April. Back again to the Lands End store in the blizzard!

Hart is on his third winter coat this season. In November, last year's jacket looked suspiciously short, but not unwearable. A week before Christmas, I noticed that the bottom of the parka was creeping upward. Time to replenish the closet . . . while the stores still had winter coats. I had to brave the Christmas shopping rush AND take above-mentioned child along. Double-torture. Hart actually wore this jacket for all of three weeks before the zipper broke. A few teeth were defective and the zipper tab came off in his hand. Grrrrrrr.

Receipt in hand, I asked for a replacement. After all, we have plenty of sub-zero weather coming. The manager chuckled, "We don't carry winter items at this time of year." Refund? "It has been worn." Yes. I know. In store credit? "For a percentage of the lowest sale price." OK. Then, back to Lands End again.

Sure, the Lands End sales staff know me. I bought two toddler parkas there in January 1996, right before we left for Russia to pick up the boys. Where else could I have found winter jackets mid-January on very short notice? I've come in regularly since, in all seasons, to paw through the racks for sturdy boy-clothes.

I believe we are well-stocked now until the end of this season. The new Lands End boots are a men's size 9, at the moment one size too large. Both boys' jackets should fit for a few more minutes.

Then at Jeff's speed skating practice, "Mom, you don't want to hear this. My skates are tight." I just bought them in October for this season! "The last meet is in a week. Can you wear them until then?"

Guilty Pleasures

Click on the title to see the YouTube clip. I am about 3:35 seconds into this video.

Julian and Chloe visit (photos)

Inky (photo)

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Snow Day (photos)

Hart and Katie (photos)

Click the title to see the photos!

The Back Story IV

I am finally discarding my oldest computer, which has the journal of our trip to Russia in 1996 and a number of documents pertaining to the adoption. So here, in a four-part series, is that journal from the boys' first four years with us.

Oct 22, 1999
Things have been up and down. Jeff had a bad day on Monday and a horrible day on Wednesday. It’s a complete mystery. He was acting out immediately upon arrival at school, then ran into a another classroom on the way back from speech therapy. Later, he was throwing wood chips during recess and when asked to stop, started throwing them at the teacher. Then he was sent to the principal’s office. I was so chagrined I asked Margie to come over and deal with Jeff. Again, very hard with Hart in the room, doing his best to distract Jeff.

Yesterday was a little better, but we continue to have horrible problems the minute the boys are in the same room. I am not sure how this happened: but there is a huge gouge out of the wall in the basement that must have happened yesterday. The corner of the wall was hit with such force that all the plaster was knocked out and the metal underneath is bent!

Oct 25
Well, our brief moment of health was short-lived. Jeff’s ear and nose are draining green stuff yet again. Hart’s ear infection continues–he won’t let me irrigate it or put the medication in. So Hart is home from school and I am not feeling so good myself.

Hart hasn’t really acted like a sick kid. It hasn’t slown him down at all. Jeff’s day care just called to tell me he is running a fever. So I really spent the whole day on the phone trying to get a hold of doctors.

Nov 2
Halloween was fun. Hart was Mickey Mouse and Jeff was a monster. I ended up taking them separately around the block. The other one stayed home with Howard and passed out candy which apparently was just as much fun. Luckily it only comes once a year, since both guys were over-excited and Jeff was extremely hyper during the evening.

I had Jeff’s MDC last week. The outlook is good according to the testing and evaluation. However, he is extremely hyperactive and inattentive in school, and Ms. B still says he is often tired. I just contacted a new child psychiatrist and she sounded great over the phone.
I have been playing the boys’ favorite tape in the car. It’s a Motown collection. Hart adores this tape and sings along with all the songs. However, last night I noticed that he is singing “Keep ’way!” (Heatwave).

Nov 4
My first “playdate” with Jeff is off to an auspicious start. The idea is that once a week or more, Jeff will not go to aftercare, but will come home to spend time with me.

Since today was so nice, we decided to walk to Central Park, but Jeff’s new thing is climbing the trees there. So he climbed a few of the smaller trees while I supervised. Then, he headed to the stand of several blue spruce trees and disappeared into the foliage. I was still watching him and I cautioned him not to try to climb up since they are prickly. The next thing I knew, I could hear his voice from high up but I couldn’t see him in the branches. When I finally looked all the way up–about 20 feet, there was Jeff clinging to the trunk way up in the air. It was awfully high so I encouraged him to come down. First he said, “I can’t come down, I have to stay up here.” I thought he was kidding, but then he said, I’m scared, then, Mommy, come help me down, Mommy, I am stuck.

He had been up there about ten minutes and I realized he really was stuck. First I asked some lawn service guys nearby if we could use their ladder, which they told me was broken. Then I noticed another woman at the park with a cell phone and I asked to borrow it and called 911.

Another five minutes passed with Jeff yelling, “my back hurts, the branch is breaking, I can’t hold on here, I’m scared, I’m stuck. When I called a second time, they told me help was on the way. Finally a huge hook-and-ladder and an emergency vehicle pulled up and three firefighters jumped out. The truck was driven around into the cul-de-sac and about eight more firefighters got out and started extending the ladder. By now, everyone in the park had gathered and several of the neighbors, too.

Jeff was a trooper, he came to the firefighter, climbed down the ladder and escaped with one scratch on his hand and a distinctly piney odor on his clothes. Then we walked home and both of us fell asleep on the couch after the adventure. Jeff assured me and the firefighters that he would not climb trees again.

Dec 7, 1999
The past few weeks leading up to the trip have had ups and downs. Thanksgiving was nice. Jeff and I had a great time in LA visiting Granny and new Grandpa Bill. Aunt Ronnie went with us, so Jeff had the undivided attention of four doting adults. Bill and Mom took him to the La Brea Tar Pits while Ronnie and I went to LACMA.

I also took Hart to a family Hanukah service. Annie was being confirmed as part of the kindergarten class and Hart was excited about that. He was singing right along, delighted to be involved and sitting next to Annie. However, when it came time for Annie to go up on the bima with her class, Hart was distraught and insisted on joining them. (He kept shyly waving at me as if to say, “Look at me. I am doing the right thing with the rest of the kids.”) Luckily, there were about 40 kids, so he was not conspicuous. I thought he would just stand up there with Annie but of course, the rabbi didn’t call his name to receive a certificate and a little Torah and that sent him into a fit of dispair. I had to climb up on the pulpit, reassure the adults that there had not been a mistake and carry him down, weeping inconsolably. Then I had to take him home.

We just got back from 3 1/2 days in St. Augustine, Florida. Things were looking pretty grim for a family vacation judging from the nightmare in Oregon, but the day we were to leave H had a brainstorm to rent two cars so we could take the boys sightseeing separately. It worked fine.

Hart and I did Marineland together, where he loved playing ball with the dolphins. It was practically empty! There were about 20 people in the stands for the dolphin show. When Hart noticed that he wasn’t chosen as the volunteer from the audience, he lost interest.

We had a great time exploring the old city at night while it was all lit up and had a pizza dinner al fresco. He found some kids to play with in the main square and got to burn off some energy running around with them.

Jeff and Howard did the Castillo together and we all ended up at the Alligator Farm, but not at the same time. Hart was kind of pooped so we didn’t stay more than an hour but saw everything but the reptile house. We like the baby alligator pool which had hundreds of juvenile gators. The boys were on very good behavior on the trip, as long as they were apart, which was every moment except bedtime. We only really had one beach outing and that got a little raucous as the boys started chasing the sea gulls and Jeff stomped on someone’s sand castle.

Dec 25, 1999
Hart and Howard were in Las Vegas last weekend. Jeff and I had a great time while they were gone. How refreshing. No tantrums, no screaming, no backtalk. It was just blissful. We went to the Kohl Museum and out to dinner with Ted one evening. I guess H&H had one good day where they went to Circus Circus’ circus, the Coca Cola Museum and a pirate show at another hotel.

The second day did not go well and by the third day, Howard decided to pack it in and leave earlier in the day than planned. Hart came home in a usual temper, swearing, screaming and being generally obnoxious.

Now we have two weeks vacation from school and it hasn’t been going well. Both boys have spent a few days a winter camp and reports have not been good. I had Jeff home one day for a few doctor’s appointments and Hart’s return and caused him to revert to form. Sullen, uncooperative and generally awful. Last night, when Hart was told he couldn’t have pop until dinner, he flew into a rage, refused to go upstairs for a timeout and started punching, kicking, biting and pinching me.

The words I am beginning to really dread are, “Look, Mommy.” Somehow I thought it would be nice, like “look, Mommy, I can do it all by myself.” Unfortunately, whenever I heard those words, I know it’s something I don’t want to see. In the past week alone, Jeff twice in one day, “Look, Mommy!” (I have covered my face in blue marker), Hart, “Look, Mommy!” (I have pried the cover off the heating vent.) “Look, Mommy!” (Hart has colored on the freshly painted walls.) Those are just the acts of mischief that are announced!

Jan 15
We seem to coming off a difficult time with Hart. The new medication is making things worse, if anything. It’s very depressing.

I have Jeff for dinner this evening. It was crowded at Houlihan’s, so we sat at a table on the bar side. Jeff kept pointing to the bar and saying, QUACK! I had no idea what he was talking about until he finally pointed to the beer tap for Honker’s Ale which was shaped like a goose head.

Jeff is crazy about Green Eggs and Ham. He must have read it at school since he started reciting from it. I brought home the video and the book for him. We also had another video that the boys loved, Milk Cow, Eat Cheese. They think the part where the cows poop is hysterical. There’s a song, too: “Moo, Chew & Doo.” When I asked where milk comes from, Hart said, “It comes in cows!”

Jan 20
It’s been a tough few weeks with Hart. He destroyed his glasses on Tuesday, just out of impulsivity. The next day he cut a chunk out of his shirt. Last night he had a fit and had to be sent to his room. Howard went to talk to him (big mistake) and got kicked. Ms. B called and talked to me. I also spoke to Dr. F about the medication.

I started working at TJS in the mornings. It’s fun and it’s a bit of life away from my “mom” job.

Jan 22
Things are still pretty rough with Hart. He had a very good session with Margie yesterday where she talked about being angry. She had him bounce on a big ball first, then he was so quiet and thoughtful–I was astounded. However, he had two melt-downs this morning. The second one was with M, the OT, when Hart was told he could only have one snack item.

After calling Manny all manner of ugly names, he threatened to “go to the airport to a party with Jeff.” He explained that the party would have “a playplace, a park, a tunnel, a swimming pool and cookies.” “That sounds like paradise,” M replied.

Howard bravely took both guys sledding today.

Jeff has a slight case of diarrhea. When I noted that his poop was soft, he said, “That’s because of the snow.” Go figure.

Feb 11, 2000
Hart and I returned from four days in CA for Granny’s wedding. Jeff was sick and home from school the whole week and Hart also developed an ear infection. So yesterday, Hart stayed home from school and Jeff went back. However, he had a very very difficult day, due to the illness and possibly some anger towards me and Hart. He got a bad report, for running into the school during recess, then kicking and spitting at Mrs. V.

Then Ms. A called from childcare for me to come get him because his behavior was so out of control. He was contrite in the car, but his principal called to stay he was suspended for a day. Difficult dilemma: we don’t want to reward this behavior, but it does seem that he needs some attention from me. So I will take him back on Monday to meet with the principal and speak to all of Jeff’s victims and supervise an appropriate apology.

March 10, 2000
Hart is a dolphin. The dolphin is friendly, obedient and cooperative. And, the dolphin will work for pretend fish. So whatever works! Yesterday when I asked the dolphin which cereal he would like with his fish, he said, “Cheerios and snowflakes.”

March 11, 2000
Aliens have taken Hart and left a clone that is sweet, cheerful and well-behaved. Hart and I went to a new Middle East restaurant and he charmed everyone, including me, with his superior behavior. We drew on the paper tablecloth before the meal and together created an undersea/aquarium tableau. Then the food came and Hart liked it and ate and ate and ate. He insisted on going to the bathroom himself and returned directly to the table. He only got out of his seat once to take the bill and credit card over to the hostess.

I was absolutely astonished–we were there almost an hour and he was great. Last week he was rolling around under the table, before that he was jumping out of seat and bothering other diners. Recently on another occasion, he got up and sat down at someone else’s table. Tonight, I kept assuring him that he was surely going to be mistaken for a big kid or even an adult by his behavior.

March 16
Jeff has been sent home from school again. He has had a terrible week, possibly due to the change in medication time. He was alert, but he was obnoxious, so back to being sluggish but cooperative!

March 19
The weekend was thankfully uneventful. I took Hart to the Kohl Museum today and he did very well and we managed to stay there for almost two hours. He insisted on using the face paint to do his entire face. He looked ready for bush combat. I said, “I don’t even recognize you. Are you Hart?” Hart replied, “No, I’m a movie star.”

On the fridge, I have had a photo of the boys in Russia in the hotel. It’s been up there for years, but for some reason Jeff noticed it today and said, “Hey, we cute babies.”

Margie has recommended that I ask for a meeting at Jeff’s school. I think they are being way too rigid with him and not addressing the behavior problems appropriately. So that’s on my to-do list for tomorrow.

March 24
Hart is suspended again from childcare. He was back for a single day and then kicked Ms. C again. I am totally baffled. He is having a hard time in the mainstream kindergarten class and I wonder if that’s stressful. However, he is getting good reports from the teachers, so maybe he is just holding it in and then losing it by the time he gets to childcare.

March 26
I had Hart most of yesterday and he was OK. We see Dr. F and Margie tomorrow and I hope they can help. Hart is extremely impulsive again–wrecking the house wantonly, destroying Jeff’s stuff. Very stressful. I had him with me at a rummage sale and he did OK, although I lost him for a few minutes. Every time I spotted him I would tell him to stand in line with me so we could go and poof, he’d disappear. We had about a half dozen false starts, plus I had to jump out of line a few times.

I took him to Evanston Hospital to have blood drawn. He was very brave and didn’t make a peep. However, I want to speak to Dr. F about these strange social obsessions. Jeff is hung up on objects, but Hart gets these obessions with people and can’t be diverted. He attached himself to a little boy who had a Lego toy. They played together in the waiting area without too much adult intervention, but when it was the boy’s turn to go in for the blood, Hart insisted on going with him. I could tell he was making the kid even more nervous but Hart would not relent. Finally, Hart demanded that the nurse let him accompany this poor sobbing kid–I could see his dad vigorously shaking his head. She put her foot down and told him the rules are that kids have to stay with their own parents. Not only does he not pick up social cues from others, but even when told “don’t touch me” or “stop it” or I say, “This boy wants to be with his daddy,” Hart is undeterred.

March 30
It has been a miserable week. The boys have gone beserk and no one knows why. Jeff is now suspended from childcare for kicking and spitting. He thinks he is a very funny.

I spent Sunday evening with Hart in the ER. He decided to take some medication on his own. I spent over four hours entertaining him so he would stay awake. The other option was to admit him for overnight observation which did not seem like a great choice.

Then Monday there was some trouble at school. When I came to pick Hart up for an appointment with Dr. F, Ms B said not to bring him back after the appointment. He spent most of his session with Dr F throwing a tantrum, grunting and rolling on the floor.

He had another tantrum at home on Monday evening when I asked him to put his glasses away in the case. Jeff got upset when I tried to restrain Hart and stabbed me in the eye with his fork. Luckily it was a plastic fork and he just got the corner of my eye. Still, I have been a nervous wreck.

Next week is spring break and we had reservations to fly to southern CA for a few days. Legoland was on the itinerary. However, there was big mischief today at childcare, which resulted in Jeff’s suspension, and also coming home in the car, so we have decided to cancel the trip. Margie and Drs agree about this choice. I was so looking forward to Legoland myself! Also we were planning to see Granny and Grandpa Bill who will be very disappointed.

April 11
So we didn’t go to CA. However, the week was fine. Hart went to Fleetwood Jourdain Center for day camp and Jeff and I vegged at home. Hart did fine until Friday afternoon when he melted down and had to be sent home. The weekend was tough. Hart is having trouble sleeping and is awake and all over the place for hours. I am sure the whole neighborhood heard him yelling, “Get your hairy legs off me!” as I tried to restrain him. We know we need to get the boys in separate bedrooms. Last night was the first night in a while that everyone slept through the night.

We have decided to take Dr. F’s advice and have Hart treated at the psychiatric day program at Lutheran General. I am scrambling around trying to get everything squared away with the insurance. On top of that, Hart lost his glasses and Jeff was kind enough to break his spare pair.

April 14, 2000
I think yesterday was the worst day of my life. It was the first day that I felt absolutely despondent and hopeless about the boys. It was Hart’s first day at Lutheran General Hospital’s day treatment program. We anticipate that he will be in the program for about three weeks. Of course, there was a lot of paperwork and introductory stuff and Hart was very impatient. I do wish Dr F wouldn’t talk about Hart while he is the same room. Anyway, right away he started kicking an orderly, so into “jail,” the padded room. There is a video camera mounted on the ceiling, so it was a shock to look in on him, forlornly lying there. (Maybe we can install such a room here.)

When I picked him up, I wanted to get Hart’s glasses replaced, but we have a new insurance arrangement so I had to take him to a new place, where he had a meltdown and started beating up on me. It was just a long day for him.

Meanwhile, Jeff has been causing as much trouble at school and childcare as he can manage. He has been getting bad reports daily. I met with Margie and the psychologist and his teacher to talk today. It’s clear that Ms. B would like to see Jeff hospitalized as well, and taken off all medication. I know we don’t have the cocktail right, but eliminating the meds is not the answer.

We agree that Jeff craves more time with me, so we are trying to do some things towards that. Dr L called, she thinks the Luvox is the problem. Dr F took Hart off the Luvox, too, interestingly enough. It’s to treat the OCD stuff, but clearly Jeff is getting worse with that, rather that better.

Also, I left a message for the allergist. Hart looked positively miserable when I picked him up–nose crusty, eyes puffy and red, deep purple allergic shiners. So it has been very disheartening all around.

May 9, 2000
Hart has been back at school for about a week and a half. But now Jeff is in the hospital! Hart seems to be holding it together fairly well. I got his hospital documents today–very unsettling. He really did well with the very structured environment of the hospital and is not a behavior problem at school. I don’t know what I can do to emulate that at home.

Jeff has had a decent start in the program. He did not have any timeouts today. However, it is clear that he doesn’t like Ms. B’s class or childcare. He has said numerous times that he doesn’t want to go to childcare. After talking with Margie, I guess we might as well withdraw him until the end of the school year.

When I talked to him today, he said how much he loves “hospital camp” and was dismayed to hear that he would eventually go back to school. Dr. L called, she wants to meet with me next week since she has some ideas.

I have lucked onto a good thing, purely by accident. Tahra, from across the street, loves to babysit. I can’t leave her for a long time or with more than one, but it is really helping me, since she can spend the half hour with Jeff while I go pick up Hart from childcare. (In fact for her first job here, Jeff was sleeping the whole time so it seemed a safe experiment. When we got home I cautioned Hart to leave Jeff alone since he was tired. Then I heard Hart’s voice upstairs! When I asked what he was doing in the bedroom, he said, “I not waking Jeff, I’m kissing him.” Awwwwwww. )

Still very distressed about Eva leaving us. I now have ES who is crazy about working with the boys but just doesn’t seem to have the right chemistry. Hart and Jeff are worse-behaved when she IS here which means I have extra duty to supervise her and I have to calm them down after she leaves. I can’t bear to fire a 14-year-old. It might be partly me, the boys wear me out so much that I don’t have the energy to answer all her questions or reply to every statement, and I don’t feel like explaining everything I say or decide or do to her.

Hart kind of took me by surprise today, when he said, “Mommy, do you remember when I was in your tummy?” He was excited to hear that he and Jeff had been together in the tummy, even though I explained that it was another woman’s tummy, a woman in Russia. Then Hart said, without emotion, “I miss my mommy.” I tried to elicit more information from him without success. One of his childcare teachers recently had a baby and maybe that’s what has piqued his interest.

June 4, 2000
Hart has had a very difficult day. Jeff has been alternately soothing him and agitating him. Now at 4 p.m. he has recovered from his 4th or 5th screaming tantrum of the day and Howard finally got him out of the house. As the door closed behind them, Jeff shook his head, “He’s a sad little Hart.”

Leah comes to stay with us for the summer today and not moment too soon. Dr. F keeps telling me that no single mortal is up to the task of these boys and I realize it is too true.

June 30, 00
Hart keeps telling me that he is a daddy. He has the baby lobster puppet, two Teletubbies and his stuffed Ziggy (Doughboy) who are his children. Yesterday in the car he announced that he is Doughboy’s daddy. Minutes later, I turned to tell him something. “Hart….” “Don’t call me Hart, I’m daddy.” “But you aren’t my daddy,” I told him. “What should I call you?” “Monk, like you call Daddy.”

It’s been going well with Leah although I concur with Dr. L’s assessment that there is some spontaneous chemical activity going on when the boys are together. They can be cheerful, chatty and engaged, then walk into the house, see the other and just lose it. I met with Dr. P who worked with the boys at the hospital and she has planned some more testing this summer, especially for Jeff. Both she and I are convinced that Jeff has not had the proper classroom placement and the problems there only increased his anxiety, which increased his inappropriate behavior. On the other hand, he loves summer school. He adores his teacher–I was there today to speak to her and he was a different kid. He and R were holding hands and playing together on the playground. The two of them had to be separated all spring so they got into so much trouble together.

July 22
Jeff and I had dinner at Hackney’s last night. When our hamburgers came, they were on dark rye bread although I asked that Jeff’s come without bread. I immediately took his plate to remove the bread, when Jeff exclaimed, “Why you taking that bread away? It’s good. It’s chocolate.”

Aug 23
Summer is almost over. I have had Jeff home all week while Hart is at Park District. Last week I amused Hart while Jeff was at camp. It went fine although by Thursday, my patience was wearing thin. I am trying to arrange a school meeting in early September–we have completed a full battery of tests at Lutheran General and the boys qualify for more services than they are currently getting. Also, we have more useful information about their relative strengths as well as weaknesses.

August 28
Three days until school starts and both boys are home this week. This morning I woke up to find Hart trying to be quiet while Jeff slept. Unfortunatly, he couldn’t help himself from harassing Jeff so we all were up before 7 am. As the boys left my room, in perfect synchronization, they turned and wagged their tongues at me. It was like it had been choreographed.

August 29
Yesterday Hart and I went to Dawes to meet his new teacher. He tried out the desks and chose a locker. His speech therapist is eight months pregnant and happened to pass by the room. Hart was working on the computer when R said, “Hi, Hart, notice anything different about me?” Without even looking up from the screen, Hart said, “Yeah, there’s somebody in there.”

October 11
As the boys get older, there is an increasing level of frustration since their ideas are much more complex than their language permits them to express. Here’s a conversation with Hart yesterday.

H-Tomorrow I’m going to be in a camera. They’re going to picture me.
L-You’re having your picture taken?
H-Yes, they’re going to camera us.

I realized later he must mean he will be videotaped.

The sequel to The Little Mermaid was just released. I was the first to get a copy from the library. We have watched it every day since. Ever since our visit to Disney World, Hart has a big crush on Ariel and is interested in mermaids.

October 20, 2000
I took Jeff to JRC for Simchat Torah services. We went to the Sukkah last week and he loved it. Jeff had a great time. When I asked him if he was ready to go, he said, “No, I’m still praying!”

December 21, 2000 First Night of Hanukah
A dark and cold, cold day! Jeff lost his first tooth, well teeth, actually. For a few days Jeff has been complaining about wiggily teeth. The dentist expected him to loose a few this summer, but so far, nothing except a gap developing between two bottom teeth. Last night while brushing his teeth I was alarmed to notice that he had two fully erupted teeth growing in behind his baby teeth…like a shark with a second row of teeth. I called the dentist and she suggested I bring him this evening. She offered to “yank them out” or wait two weeks and see what happens. I said the choice was up to Jeff and said, “Yank em” so she did. They look like two grain of rice, so small. Dr L gave him a little treasure chest for the Tooth Fairy. Jeff wanted to leave a window open for her, but since it’s cold out, I advised against that. I assured him that the Tooth Fairy can use magic to get in.

I haven’t written about karate. Both boys earned their yellow belts at the end of November and that has renewed their motivation. Jeff certainly likes it better than Hart does, but aside from the daily complaining as we get ready, they are both really doing well. I am amazed at Sensei’s “tough love” success. Hart has a crush on V, who is one of the few girls in karate. She is just five and tiny, with long blonde hair. Her mother told me she is taking karate to gain some confidence. A few sessions ago, Hart sidled up to her and asked, “Can I have your phone number?” She was too shy to answer. He has since asked if he can sleep at her house.

January 24, 2001
We had a scary weekend. Jeff has taken up sleepwalking. At 10 pm on Saturday night, he put his coat and boots on, opened two locks and left the house. I was in the basement and Howard was upstairs–Howard assumed I had gone out momentarily when he heard the door. When he saw the open front door and Jeff’s bed empty, we realized what had happened.

While I scoured the neighborhood, Howard called the police and several squad cars combed the area. They found him several blocks away, pretty dazed and disoriented. At first I though this was another prank, but Jeff described what must have been a dream, and his doctor concurs that it was sleepwalking. It was a terrifying half hour. Also, when I found out he had managed to cross busy Golf Road, I was really nervous.

On the lighter side, Hart recently told me I looked like a mermaid. He saw me in a pink bra.

March 15, 2001
The boys saw Once Upon a Mattress today at Evanston High School with their classes. Jeff’s homework assignment was to write a sentence about the show. It was like pulling teeth to get him to give a complete sentence about it. I had to coach by having him eliminate possibilities. However, about a half an hour later he announced, “The big kids are pigs because they throw garbage on the sidewalk.” No problem talking about something of interest to him!

June 28, 2001
So relieved that the year from hell with Jeff’s school is finally over. I have nightmares about the evil N. If I never see her or U or the principal, it will be too soon. I keep reminding myself, Howard and our lawyer, Charlie, that Jeff is going back to that school over my cold, dead body. He is on the waiting list for P’TACH at Arie Crown and at Cove School. We should know in July if there is a space at either school.

I have sent off the materials to the insurance company in hopes of getting our August treatment at the Family Attachment Center covered.

Yesterday Hart said, “Daddy and I ate Chinese food for dinner. What kind of food did you have?” I had to think a moment. “Um, well, I guess we ate American.” “YOU ATE A FLAG!?”

Both boys passed their karate orange belt test a few weeks ago. We still have some fuss about getting ready to go to karate–they are tired after summer school and camp–but it’s not a full-fledged tantrum. Hart has been working very hard in karate. Jeff has been a real goofball and I was relieved that he passed the test. He has been spending a lot of time on the sidelines for messing around.

June 30
I had the boys all day today. Arrrgh. I have come to dread Sundays. Also, it was unseasonably cool. Yesterday was in the upper 80s, I planned to take the boys to the pool again today. However, it was barely 70 out. In fact, I was a little cold wearing shorts. I asked the boys if they wanted to change in to long pants, too. “No,” replied Hart, “We have Russian blood, so we don’t care.”

July 9
We are back from five days in New England. It went fine, with only minor issues. Howard routinely leaves me to wrangle both boys while he has long long conversations with his office. That sends me over the edge. It aggravated me even before we had the boys.

Jeff really enjoyed the ship-building stuff at Mystic Seaport and anything related to nature. Hart and I walked all over Newport and he was pretty good about it. I promised a trolley ride back when we got to The Breakers.

July 21, 2001
Jeff loves to act out elaborate stories, especially in the car. I usually play myself and Jeff can be a mechanic, bus driver, waiter, store clerk or someone else he thinks up. One of his favorite characters is Jim, our plumber, who owns a red pickup truck. Jim’s (frequent) visits to the house are a big treat for the boys since they get to watch and help him and he has a lot of cool tools. Jeff likes to pretend to be Jim. Today in the car, the script was:

J (as Jim): Hi, it’s Jim. I have come to fix your toilet.
L: Great, come on in, Jim. Do you have all your tools?
J: I am missing one tool. It’s a bike tool, for fixing bikes.
L: Oh, do you have to drive home and get it?
J: Do your boys have it?
L: Gee, I don’t know, I’ll ask them. Jeff, Hart, Jim is looking for one of his tools. Do you know where it is?
J (as himself): (Laughs) Yeah, we got it.

It was so apt, so true-to-life I had to keep from laughing.

Jeff’s language has improved considerably this year, although he still has problems retrieving words or pronouncing them. Sometimes the listener has to supply a few syllables or words to get the meaning. However, today he said quite clearly, “I want to be an architect.”

Sept 2, 2001
We have been back one week since our two weeks of therapy at the Family Attachment Center. The first week was hellish, but by the second week I could already see some improvements. We had a few good days once we got back…calmer, certainly. However, on Thursday Jeff went into full-scale revolt and it’s been hard trying to get things back to where they were. Howard wasn’t along for the treatment and hasn’t shown any interest in the tapes or the techniques so the boys may be confused.

The therapists’ observations include:
· The boys’ ADHD is not organic; it’s acquired ADHD from orphanage experiences
· They are “workable.” The play therapy tapes show them listening, following directions, being attentive, etc.
· We need to shift the boys’ internal model to “we can be successful together.”
· The storytelling technique is used to change the internal working model.

Our time in MN was fine. Mom was great, although 24 hours a day with the boys is a real chore under any circumstances. The hotel, however, is not eager to see us come back, I’m sure. We went to Mall of America a few times, to play at the LEGO Imagination Center and go to the Aquarium. We went horseback riding, Mom, me, Hart and Jeff. We each had our own horse on a trail ride. The boys were thrilled. Jeff got rather miffed that my horse, Panda, bit his horse’s ear. He is quite indignant on Trigger’s behalf. Once I turned around to ask him a question during the ride and he said, “I’m concentrating on driving.”

Jeff started at Cove School this week as a second grader. We hope to prevail in court if our district will not settle with us. We are nervous about the money, which is more than one year’s tuition at a private university. However, I believe we had no choice. The transition has been OK. It’s been hard on Jeff since Hart doesn’t start until next week. On Thursday evening he had a crying jag, saying he missed Hart and his new school is “too far away.” I gave him a photo of Hart to take to school and he announced Friday that he was “happy now and didn’t need it.”

September 16, 2001
We have tried to protect the boys from the images of the World Trade Center on TV and in the newspaper. However, kids are talking about this at school. Cove School had a social worker visit each classroom to talk about the tragedy. On Saturday, Hart noticed that many cars and buildings had flags up and asked me about it.

L: Did you have a minute of silence yesterday at school?
H: Yes, the principal announced it.
L: Everyone all over the world did that. People are all sad about the plane that crashed into the buildings.
H: Where’s the plane now?
L: Gone, it broke into millions of pieces when it crashed.
H: Where’s the driver, the driver of the plane?
L: Well, he’s dead.
H: He wasn’t watching where he was going.
L: At first, everyone thought it was an accident, but now we know that he did it on purpose.

About an hour later, Hart asked about the plane again. I realized I had inferred that the pilot had intentionally crashed the plane.

H: What happened to the people?
L: Do you mean the people on the airplane?
H: Yes.
L: Well, they all died. That’s why we are sad and that’s why the flags are out today. A crazy man came into the cockpit and told the pilot, ‘Let me drive the plane or I’ll kill you.’ That’s what happened.
H: He was mean.

October 9, 2001
Hart was at the dentist today. (&^$#&$#, more cavities!) When Dr. L came in to examine him, he asked her, “Are you the dentist?” She was a bit surprised at this question, since Hart has been there many times before. “Yes, I am.” “Oh, I thought you were the tooth fairy.”

October 11, 2001
Feels like years have passed…in just the last month. We have had several episodes of running away. Two weeks ago, the boys ran away—naked—at 7 am on a 50˚ day. The principal of St. Joan spotted two little butts moving past his window. Luckily the boys were cooperative when he summoned them. The police brought them home in St. Joan uniforms.

Jeff also ran away from Howard this weekend. I think that was a catalyst for a lot of pent-up feelings on both Howard’s and my parts. To no one’s surprise, Howard and I are planning to split up. I have no idea how we will work this out: Howard has his doubts (legitimately) about how I will manage. Well, stay tuned.

On Monday, the boys got out on the flat roof at the back of the house. I had always assumed that door is locked. HA!. Apparently, they climbed over the railing, onto the sloped, shingled roof and across to the flat roof outside our bedroom. I rushed up to see Jeff standing outside on the roof but there was no sign of exit. Thank God, he was pretty cooperative when I took the screen off and pulled him through the window. Hart was more recalcitrant, but when Jeff was compliant, he came, too. Good thing, because I would have never fit through the window and I know THAT door to the outside porch is locked.

Hart’s homework yesterday involved writing questions and using question marks. He was to come up with a riddle, written as a question. I suggested, “What animal doesn’t play fair?” A cheetah. After carefully writing out the riddle, I asked, “Do you remember the answer?” “A tiger, no, it’s a leopard.” (Don’t quit your day job, son.)

I overheard Hart telling Jeff about a “speckle wait.” After a moment, I realized, he was saying, “Have a respectful wait.”

November 6, 2001
Jeff has been in the hospital for a week now. Last Monday he ran away from school and I was called to come pick him up. Something certainly has not been right for the past few weeks. His teacher has been talking to me and to Dr. L about the intense perseverative behavior.

He seemed to be relieved when I told him we were going back to “hospital camp.” However, it’s been very hard for Hart who has been acting up in school. He was sent to the Sunday School director since he was unable to participate in class at all. Karate seems to be OK, though.

Anyway, it’s hard on all of us. Howard was out of town when Jeff was admitted to the hospital: he seems to feel this is another scheme I have cooked up.

Last night Jeff looked much better. He was more alert, calm and affectionate. He is off the Dexedrine for ADHD, was initially extremely hyperactive there. He had an EEG done today and our staffing is tomorrow. I hope we can bring him home. Tonight Hart and I went to visit. Jeff was thrilled to see us.

In Jeff’s absense I have been trying to give Hart extra TLC. Although he doesn’t have his partner in crime, he can still be quite trying, rummaging through our bedroom, being fixated on ladybugs, chanting, screaming, etc.

Hart has expressed some interest in Memorial Park, since we pass it with some frequency. Shortly before Halloween, he asked, “Is that a cemetery?” I replied, “Yes.” “There are dead people there.” “Would you like to see the cemetery sometime?” “Yes, but not at night. I don’t want to wake them up.”

Last Sunday, a beautiful fall day, we walked through the cemetery. However, Hart had other questions. “Why didn’t a baby grow in your tummy?” “I don’t know.” “You never had a baby in there.” “No. But it’s just as well. If I had had a baby…” Then Hart finished my sentence “…you wouldn’t need Jeff and me!”

Today, the play therapist from MN called. We discussed having her come here for a month to work with the boys “in situ.” I hope that the government money for respite care will help us out.

Also, Charlie and I have spoken. Our certified letter from Illinois State Board of Education came: Parents of Jeffrey S v. school district. Charlie feels that the hospitalization has strengthened our case, by providing further evidence that public school is not the place for Jeff. I have a whole list of people to speak to about the proposed schedule for the hearing.

November 24, 2001
We have survived four days of Thanksgiving break without major mishap. I attended Hart’s conference on Tuesday and on Wednesday, Hart and I attended a field trip to see Monsters, Inc with Jeff’s Cove class. It was a bit strange: this is the first time Hart has ever been to Cove and Jeff’s classmates were eager to meet him. Upon our arrival, staff kept greeting Hart thinking he was Jeff (even with his glasses on!) I think Hart was a bit put out by this after it happened seven times. They don’t look that much alike!

Howard took Hart to the parade downtown and Odelia and I were at home with Jeff on Thanksgiving. We hosted dinner with the grandparents at Barnum & Bagel. It was nice not having to clean and organize everything. Today, Saturday, I took Hart to see The Princess Diaries while Jeff was at Howard’s office.

Jeff and I are working though the first Harry Potter book. It’s the first non-picture book I have read out loud. Hart is interested, too, but is having a harder time understanding and paying attention. I read for about one half hour or so every night, until Jeff complains he is too tired to continue. The movie just came out and I promised we can see if (2 hours and 40 minutes!) once we finish the book. I paraphase the English terms and I skip bits of dialogue, but I am trying to remain true to the book. Aside from being a wonderful story, it’s the major topic of conversation among kids these days, so I hope it will provide the boys some social advantage.

December 10, 2001
Jeff is home sick today. He has had a cold, but this morning woke up with his eyes fused shut from discharge, so I took him to the doctor. He is feeling OK, he just look awful. He went on a few errands with me. At Aldi, there is a toy aisle and Jeff fell in love with a display of large remote control VW Beetles. I thought we were in for a tantrum when he wouldn’t budge and kept telling me how he wanted one. I was empathetic but firm. After disengaging himself from the cars, he said, “Mommy, please get me out of here. The Beetles are making me nuts.”

December 15, 2001
Hart and I went to dinner last night. I asked him about a project on countries that they have been working on. “Is anyone else from another country, other than you?” “I am from Russia,” he told me. “Annie is from Disney World.” “What about R?” I asked him. “She is from another country.” “She’s from Russia, too.” “Well, no. She is from a country near Russia. She is from Poland.” Hart looked up eagerly. “That where Santa Claus and penguins are.”

Hart had a difficult time at synagogue. I thought he would enjoy the music and the service is quite informal. However, he was determined to be onstage, even with an entire klezmer band, all the electrical equipment. After he nearly knocked over the lit menorah and candle sticks, it was time to go. Of course, he did not want to leave. In the car home, he was very angry. I stressed that I was not angry–I assured him I understood that sometimes kids have a hard time. “I was a kid, too. I remember that sometimes it is really hard.” Hart stopped sobbing a minute. I don’t think he believed I had actually been a child ever. “Who were your mom and dad?” he challenged. “Granny and Grandpa Paul, before he died. Uncle Ted and Uncle Arnie are my brothers. We all lived together before we were grownups. You have one brother to argue with. I had two!”

Dec 22, 2001
Hart got some goodies from M at OT today. He got something plastic stuck in his teeth on the way home. I will help you when we stop driving, I told him. “How about using the dental frosting?” Hart suggested.

Our attorney, Charlie, called yesterday to say that a favorable settlement had been reached. The District initially requested that we agree to send Jeff back to public school next year, but we (obviously) refused. Recent tests show that Jeff is working at end-of-1st-grade level, which means he condensed all of first grade into the first 8-10 weeks at Cove!

January 26, 2002
Hart announced today that he wants to change his name when he is a grownup. “You don’t like the name Hart?” I asked. “No, it’s a valentine name.”

Howard took Jeff to the Dollar Store today and he picked out a fashion doll. (He must be tired of cars, having earned 16 Hot Wheels in the past three days at school.) He took her to the park today. It has been unseasonably warm. A gaggle of 7-8 year girls spotted him immediately with the doll.
In horror, one asked, “What’s that?”
“That’s my girl,” Jeff answered.
The girls gasped and looked at each other in disbelief and horror.
“Do you know Barbies are for girls?”
“I don’t care,” he replied without changing his tone or his smile.
“You must be a girl.” No answer.
A few minutes later, the lead girl started calling “Barbie Boy, Barbie Boy.”
Jeff was easily in earshot but continued bouncing on the seesaw without even acknowleging the girl.
A few minutes later, Jeff was climbing up the structure with his doll still in hand. Not to be detered, the girl approached him again. “Let me see that Barbie.”
No.”
“Drop that Barbie now.”
Jeff didn’t answer but continued smiling and waving the doll in the wind.”
“If you don’t give me that Barbie, I will punch you in the face.”
Still getting no reply, the girl flounced off with one last parting shot. “Barbies are stupid anyway.”
In karate, the kids have learned strategies against bullying. Although this wasn’t the same thing, I was impressed that Jeff didn’t rise to the taunts and commended him for it.

May 28, 2002
At the park, Hart found a frisbee. When I told him to leave it there because it belonged to someone, he said, “No, sweepers, losers.”

Both boys recently passed their green belt promotion test for karate. Jeff has been taking karate lessons privately which has really helped him. He just asked to return to the class and seems to be managing.

Our IEP at Cove School went smoothly, depite my apprehensions. Jeff is eligible for summer school and will continue in 3rd grade with Ms O.

Wednesday, July 24, 2002
What an exciting week! Pernille and Jesper were here from Denmark and had a great time with the boys, and with me. I can hardly believe it is ten years since I have seen them and over twenty four years that Pernille and I have known each other. It was a great visit, despite being unbearably hot (upper 90s).

I took them to the airport on Monday afternoon. Tuesday morning, the boys got me up around 5 am yelling that there was an animal downstairs. Sure enough, there was a small opossum sleeping in the basement window well. I dutifully called animal control after the boys had left and they scooped it up and released it.

This morning, Wednesday, I got the boys off to summer school and went up to take a shower. As I turned to open the shower doors and start the water, I caught sight of a raccoon staring up at me from the tub! In a micro-second I rushed out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and summoned animal control for the second time in 24 hours. Then I got hysterical.

It appears that the raccoon (or opossum) chewed threw the new basement window vent screen, then made its way up two flights of stairs. We can only guess how long it was in the house! Luckily it seemed to be an adolescent, old enough to be on its own, but too young to be hostile.

Our summer is going well, overall. Jeff and Hart are finishing up summer school. Jeff is at Cove. Hart is being tutored by Ms O. I have applied for Hart to go to Cove, but it is likely we will be on the waiting list for a while. I am not sure where the District will ultimately recommend placement for Hart. Mrs. B suggested the BD/ED room but that’s not really a fit. Hart needs lots of OT and Speech intervention and thus far, the District has refused us on this point.

December 2005

August 4, 2003
How can I be a parent of 10-year-olds? Two more days . . .

Summer is going fine. Both boys are done with summer school. I have scheduled camps for the remainder of the summer. Jeff continues speed skating. He has gotten faster and better, but doesn’t have the same enthusiasm he had when he started. I guess it’s old news.

Hart had had enough of karate and wanted to figure skate. He is doing very well and enjoys it. So I will be spending a lot of time at the rink this coming season.

Baby Julian was born July 9, 2003. The boys are thrilled with their new cousin. We are all awfully sad to see Ted and Allison leave town, and take “our”baby with them. Ted has been an invaluable support throughout the divorce stuff.

I look forward to the coming school year, 4th grade, and the first year ever where the boys’ placement is not in question. Jeff will start his third year at Cove. I hope for the best, since he will not have his own aide anymore. Hart started at JCB Therapuetic Day School in January. It was a bumpy year for him, with transitions. However, he will have the same teacher, same aide and the same staff who love him. I didn’t expect to have a kid attend an Orthodox day school, but now that it has happened I can’t say enough wonderful things about the program.

Arizona, November 2003
Check out the boots!

The Back Story III

I am finally discarding my oldest computer, which has the journal of our trip to Russia in 1996 and a number of documents pertaining to the adoption. So here, in a four-part series, is that journal from the boys' first four years with us.

May 2, 1998
A nightmare day! It was like deja vu! Our morning went OK with Hart and Howard going off to a session with Margie. Jeff and I picked up Joan for a rummage sale (it was good, got a few nice brand-name shirts and two toy trucks) and to pick out a new toilet at Home Depot to replace our upstairs one.

Hart would not take a nap and was very unruly in the afternoon. We had planned to take them for haircuts but Howard was pooped since we were out late seeing Titanic, and took a nap. The boys were very difficult just playing in the backyard. They put the cars in the bushes even though I told them not to several times since it is so muddy. Jeff again trampled our irises by parking his ride-in car on them, again after numerous admonitions. Finally, I woke up Howard and we set off, thinking we’d stop at Penny Park since the salon was fairly busy. Hart would not keep his hands to himself in the car. At the park, Jeff kept wandering off and finally had to have a time-out. Then Hart pooped in his pants and we had to go all the way back home to change. By the time we got to the salon, they weren’t taking any more customers so that was that.

Restaurant dinner was out of the question, so we stopped for sandwiches at a snack bar place. The boys were obnoxious until the food came and I was really wanted to just take it to go but Howard insisted on staying. They calmed down a bit to eat, then were unpleasant in the car and when we got home.

Both boys do this annoying thing–if you hold their hand walking, they walk like drunken sailors which drives me wild, especially if we are crossing the street. I now call this the “Gumby walk.” If Jeff wasn’t doing the Gumby Walk, he was running a block ahead and refusing to stop when called.

May 9, 1998
Night before Mother’s Day. The boys’ langugage has improved so that we hear new words and phrases and funny constructions. Jeff’s favorite phrase of the moment is “goofing around.” Hart and I were watching a video showing how cookies are commercially made. While rows of cookies were passing on the conveyor belt, Hart said, “I like cookies.” I said, “Yes, I like cookies, too.” Hart’s reply–”Break the window and get ’em.”

I found out yesterday that the bottle of Prozac was mislabeled and we have not been giving an adequate dose to either boy. Makes sense that the teachers report no change in Jeff, but I wonder why Hart had such a dramatic response. I hope now that things are straightened out we will see some improvement. Both boys, but particularly Jeff, are very obsessive and Prozac should help that.

May 10
Jeff had a very difficult time in gymnastics today. I don’t know what’s with him these days. Well, his latest passion is dandelions and the sticker festish persists.

Hart drew a recognizable cat today.

The boys must have been tired from gymnastics. They went to sleep for a one-hour nap very smoothly. When they got up, I took them to the zoo. I would have liked to find someone to come with us, but it went fine. I announced before we left that I had to have “good listening, and no running.” That seemed to be fine. I should have mentioned “no whining.” I guess that’s par for the course with 4-year-olds. They enjoyed the zoo but it was a duet of “Mommy, I want that, Mommy, I want go there, Mommy, I need this.” We saw the gorillas–we have been reading a book by Anthony Browne called Gorilla. We fed the geese, saw the camels and spent a few minutes at the Farm in the Zoo. There was a new litter of piglets which interested the boys. Both boys like the book Put Me in the Zoo, which is similar in style to Dr. Seuss. On the way home heading west, Jeff said, “The sun is too shiny for me.”

May 20
Beautiful warm weather. Yesterday was like summer–in the 90s. Hart can now write “H.” He is very interested in drawing and colors many pictures before bed almost every night. Last night he drew a boy, complete with face, hair and limbs; a car; a baby mouse and a Mommy mouse. Jeff is more technically-inclined. He likes using the stencils or having me guide his hand to draw something.

We had a terrible evening two nights ago. Jeff must have woken up around 1 am and gotten Hart up. Neither could go back to sleep. The party went on till 4:30 am. We tried separating them, threatening them, punishing them, talking to them, everything, but once they wake up, they can’t go back to sleep. Needless to say, H and I were wrecks the next day. Last night, it looked like more of the same, but we brought Jeff downstairs after about three warnings and Hart went right to sleep, then we took Jeff back upstairs.

May 23
Both boys have been pretty difficult lately, although they are quite pleasant when they aren’t together. The new thing is to yell, “It’s a bumpy road,” endlessly. We don’t know where they got that, but it has worn thin after about two weeks of chanting this endlessly. I bought $50 of filters for their air cleaner, got the thing apart and now can’t put it back together.

News from the JCC: Someone donated a whole batch of Barbie dolls to the boys’ classroom. Apparently they were quite a hit and Hart didn’t want to leave the J on Thursday, saying, “I want to play with the ladies.”

I found a toy at a garage sale that I thought the boys would enjoy. I had a similar set as a kid. It’s a set of straws and connectors to build with.

June 2
We have had some excitement. We went to the pool twice over the weekend and the boys were much calmer and easier than last year. Hart found a boy his age and they played together for most of the time. Saturday evening we went to Old Orchard for dinner and played briefly at the Great Train Store with the trains. The weather was so nice that we decided to stay a while longer and let the boys play on the dragon. I started talking to another parent of twin boys, while Howard romped around with ours. In one second, Jeff slid under and into the lattice-work pillar, announcing, “this is my house.” While we were maneuvering him down, Hart scrambled into a different pillar and used the lattice work as a ladder to get to the top, where there is a ledge just below the roof. We coaxed and cajoled, to no avail. The other parents and kids began to gather.

Finally I left Howard with Hart and Jeff and went to find a security guard. In a minute or two, there were about five security guard, two maintenance guys and a crowd of a hundred gathered. I could see Hart through the lattice–he didn’t seem hurt or frightened, maybe just bewildered by all the fuss. Roberta from the JCC happened along, and stayed to help give me moral support. Jeff was getting quite distressed and I had to ask Howard to take him away. After getting a longer ladder, the guys climbed up, pried off the cap of the pillar and lifted Hart out. A cheer went up from the, by now huge, crowd. He was dirty but otherwise OK. We beat it out of there fast. Hart was mad that we refused to give him the ice cream Howard promised if he climbed down…

Yesterday I was home early since it was Shavuot and there was no daycare. Alla was here for part of the afternoon, then we went to the park. There was a bigger boy being coached by his dad to try the fireman’s pole. Jeff ran over and announced, “I know how to do it,” and proceeded to demonstrate.

June 10
These past two weeks have been a continuous nightmare. The mischief has been so unrelenting that we can barely risk letting the boys be in the same room together. Last Thursday, they took their clothes off on the bus. When I came to pick them up from the J, they broke free, slid through the slats of a chained gate and wouldn’t come out of the bushes there until we formed a human chain and hauled them out.

On Friday, I got a call from school that Jeff drank another boy’s urine. He was holding a cup after snack time and followed C into the bathroom. As Ms. P put it, “He saw the hose with the apple juice…” The whole classroom was in an uproar. C was appalled, “Jeff drank my pee. Jeff drank my pee.” I conferred with Margie and Dr. H immediately and Jeff’s medication was changed. Ms. P says since, “He has been no angel, but has been more manageable.” Nowhere to go but up.

However, on Sunday the boys threw stuffed animals out of the moving car on Skokie Blvd. Today Hart managed to get over our back fence into the neighbor’s yard. Luckily, the dog wasn’t out. I had to go completely around the block to find him and, because of the dog, all their gates are chained shut. I am not sure about Jeff’s part in this escapade but it did result in a huge tear in a brand new pair of pants. I suspect Jeff tried the stunt first and got caught on the top of the fence or that he boosted Hart over.

June 12
The nightmare continues. Jeff catapulted over the R’s fence and made it all the way over to Crawford Avenue while the entire neighborhood searched frantically for him. After ten minutes I called the police, but finally B found him. I think we have to lock the boys in their room until they are twenty. Hart, of course, wanted to take off and help look so some adults had to stay behind and restrain him.

June 16
We are back from four days in Galveston Island, Texas. It was a nice trip, although the heat was so oppressive, it was impossible to do anything outdoors, except swim. It was close to 100˚ every day, with 100% humidity. Still the pool and beaches were nice. The hit of the trip was the built-in bunk beds in the room. The boys had to take turns sleeping on the top one. The boys saw their first movie in a theatre–at Moody Gardens IMAX theatre. You wear special 3-D glasses. Hart was sitting with me and was taken with the 3-D illusion. He kept trying to touch the images and I kept explaining that it was magic through the glasses that made it look like you could touch things. When the little girl blew bubbles, he kept reaching out to pop them. At one point, a space ship floated “towards” us and Hart said, “It’s coming by US!”

The railroad museum was nice, despite the heat. The boys liked the model railroad which had plexi tubes for children to stand under so that the trains were at eye level. We rode the ferry and the trolley (HOT!) around downtown. We ate at one fancy restaurant and the boys comported themselves somewhat appropriately. We ate lots of great cheap Mexican food–Jeff gorged himself on tortilla chips. Today we ate at a Vietnamese buffet for lunch. We lost Jeff’s beloved toy stingray somewhere in Texas, but luckily the ray has a brother who has been living in my closet for a while.

July 1
I returned from four days in Washington DC (ALA Conference) fearing the worst. Howard reported that on Thursday, Hart ran away from Grandpa again en route to the J and was in disgrace.

Howard and I had discussed starting the new Rx (Risperdal) on my return but I encouraged him to go ahead with it. I could tell when my taxi pulled up that things had changed for the better. Howard said the weekend went fine and on Monday, both the teachers at Dawes and JCC were incredulous at the remarkable change. The boys are much more cooperative, much more communicative and in general, not as demonic as they have been for the past miserable month.

However, this evening I took them to the pool and they were fine, delightful until we were getting ready to leave. Then they took off through the men’s changing room and made it out and all the way across the park to the playground (without shoes). I realized that they were probably long gone by the time I got one of the male lifeguards to look in the men’s room. They were up on the top of the slide when I dashed over. I called once loudly, causing everyone is the park to turn, except, of course, Hart or Jeff. About a half dozen teenagers scrambled up the slide when I announced I’d give a dollar to the first person who caught both boys. I am not a single dollar lighter as not one kid could catch them, but they did cause the boys to take off down the slide where I could grab them at ground level.

On a more promising note, I signed the boys up for summer reading club at the Library and the incentive of reading to earn little prizes seems to work. Shira and I took them last night and let them choose their own books. I read Jeff No Ducks in Our Bathtub and he really liked it. I read Hart about three books. I think they are being contrite since they misbehaved at the pool. We got the tape Balto again from the Library and they really love it.

July 7
Things have really gone from bad to worse. The running away is epidemic. I was called from school yesterday in the morning. Some leaves got caught in the bus and the hilarity of this pushed the boys over the edge and they couldn’t settle down to participate at all. Then I got a call from the J that Jeff had run away from Grandpa just as the car door was opened. He hid again in the front courtyard. Hart, to his credit, tried to lure Jeff out, but without success.

Unfortunately, Hart’s new thing is cutting up his clothes with scissors. He ruined yet another t-shirt yesterday.

Today Alla was completely distraught when I came home. Both boys had run away from the R’s yard (I don’t think this behavior is winning any friends with our neighbors, by the way.) Little Tommy immediately directed Alla and Agathe in their direction. I guess they made it four houses away by hurtling fences–because of the rain, it’s very wet out. Hart lost a shoe and sock in flight. (Howard took him back there to find it, thankfully.) I have spoken to Margie about a behaviorist, possibly a child psychiatrist, because this can’t go on.

July 8
What’s going on? Today, the boys were angels. I called the JCC to be sure someone would meet Grandpa and I cautioned the staff to expect the worst. The boys had a great afternoon and were chatty and charming when I went to pick them up.

We started a new sitter to replace Shira who leaves for Philadelphia at the end of the month. Eva seems fine and quite self-possessed and mature for an 11-year-old. I took the boys to the Library as a treat to report on their books. They got rubber frog finger puppets for this visit. When we got home, they took their bath and got popsicles as an additional reward. I hope they have figured out that playing with a nice Mommy, going on outings and getting sugary treats from Daddy sure beats spending the evening in “time out,” as they have done for the past two evenings.

July 14
I guess we are in a winning streak. The weekend went well and the boys have been talkative and well-behaved. Nathan came over last night and the guys played well together and the parting went smoothly. When Alla arrived this morning, Jeff said, “Hi, Alla, How you doing?”

Hart is still into drawing. He made some American flags this evening, completely drawn from memory and a nifty drawing, “Boy in Bathtub.” Jeff drew one picture and lost interest. Both boys are using the mat which has the town and roads. They arrange their cars over it and actually play with it as the manufacturer intended. Great progress.

July 17
Beate called from the JCC to tell me how wonderfully the boys are doing. I hope this keeps up. They are a joy.

Still drilling them on name, address and phone numbers. I occasionally ask, “What’ s Mommy’s other name?” hoping they will reply, “Lydia,” if anyone ever asks. They other day when I asked, “What’s Mommy’s other name?” Hart piped up, “Mommy S--!”

Jeff has developed some odd fears, although he can articulate them. Every evening he says his tree (the one outside his window) is “scary.” Howard thinks he saw a videotape of a scary tree. I am not sure if it’s the big branch jutting out that scares him…he says that’s the scary part… or that he is afraid it will break. I talked to him about how strong and old the tree is.

July 18, 1998
We spent the morning at Great America for the annual office outing. The boys liked it–Howard wanted to take them on the rides HE likes and pooh-poohed the kiddie rides. However, the boys liked the little boats, the helicopters etc in Looney Toon Land. Howard did take them on two flume rides. We rode the little rollercoaster which still terrified me. Hart said, “I don’t like this.” I had my eyes closed the whole time. We had lunch there and then the boys got difficult. There was a long time for the Looney Toon train which was a tough wait for them. It was definitely time to go. Later the boys played in the wading pool and we ate a light dinner at home.

July 23
Yesterday Hart ate about a pound of broccoli for dinner. Today he was disappointed that we were having peas but announced, “I like green!” I think both boys are natural vegetarians. Alla gives them lots of salad and I don’t think they have met a veggie they don’t like. Shira has one more week with us. However, yesterday when I announced that Eva was coming, Jeff yelled, “I love Eva. I love her” so I guess we have found a happy replacement. Tomorrow is the last day of summer school and the last day in the same classroom where they have been for two years. We’ll miss Dawn, our aide and the regular bus driver. In fall, it will be a whole new cast.

July 28
I took Hart with me to a Festival of Cultures dinner and he was delightful, although overly chatty. He took a shine to Rosa and tried to talk to her the whole evening.

The bad news is: it looks like Alla may leave us. I think Jeff’s running away really did it. She couched it in terms of getting a new job, not having time for school, but when pressed, admitted that the boys have been too difficult. Early this summer was hell, without a doubt. Howard and I felt the stress of it. I hope to speak to her and convince her to change her mind but it does not look too hopeful.

July 30
Tonight was Shira’s last night with us. She brought a toy Wallace and a toy Gromit for the boys’ birthday. We got a big laugh because I had gotten her the same toy Gromit as a going-away present. We encouraged them to say good-bye to Shira since she is moving away. To that Hart replied, “Are you taking your boy with you?” meaning Shira’s younger brother Nadav. Hart and Jeff love Nadav because he is a big kid of seven, but recently they reduced Nadav to tears by being too loud and overwhelming. When Barbara asked Nadav what was wrong, he said, “They’re going to kill me!”

August 4
The boys had their annual checkup today. They are both 40 inches tall. Hart weighs 40 lbs and Jeff weighs 40.5 lbs. Every time we go there I swear I will change pediatricians. No chit chat, no interaction with the boys, no accommodation for ADHD. I always feel like a wreck after going there and the boys behaved well enough. Hart observed that he is not a baby anymore. I said, “Yes, you are a big boy.” And he said, “I will be a man?”

We are starting to talk about school which starts in a few weeks. It looks like the boys will be separated which necessitates going to different schools. When I mentioned, “one school for Hart, one school for Jeff,” Jeff started weeping, saying, “I lose my Hart!”

August 14
We survived the birthday party last Sunday. We had ten kids, eight guests. Rian and Dale, Ellie and Matthew, Gal and Roman from the JCC, Nathan and Aaron. It was pretty much controlled bedlam. The McDonald’s has a cute party room and an outdoor playground. Most of the parents stayed and Ted and Allison came. It ran a little longer than the hour and forty-five minutes I’d planned on but all in all, everything went OK.

Alla is indeed leaving us after all this time. However, Scott, Jeff’s gymnastics aide, is available for after-school care. We have some reservations since he is young, only high school age, but we will give this a try. I am relieved to find someone who will care for the boys’ here in our house.

August 21
Today was the last day at the JCC. It is the last day of daycare. The other kids will have a week off and then move into a new room. But we are done for good. Frankly, they are probably happy to see the back of us. Hart and Jeff had a tough year there. There was lots of hugging and Julie told me that Roman was very sad to see the boys go. The three have been a wild troika all this year. Jeff paused at the door and yelled, “Goodbye, goodbye everybody.”

We saw Masumi, Rei and Kei last night. We went to Chuck E Cheese because Kei was so keen to go but I really should have learned my lesson by now. It’s too hard to keep an eye on them and the toys and activities don’t keep them out of mischief. The boys got fixated on the ribbons on some kid’s birthday presents and were very obnoxious and kept disrupting the party. In the car, they reduced Kei to tears because they wouldn’t keep their hands off him.

I spoke to Dr. H today about my concerns: impulsivity, obliviousness to social cues, among other things. I am totally weirded out by the fact that they have NOW developed their own language that they prefer to use. We hope the separation at school will help. Dr. H is going to recommend someone to do some behavior therapy with them.

Aug 27
We saw Mom off to the airport after a four-day visit. The boys loved having her here. We took them to the pool and around the neighborhood. I have this week off as the JCC is closed, so it was nice having Mom to assist. The boys love Granny.

Today was Alla’s last day. We took the boys to Village Hall for innoculations and then they spent the rest of the day with her while I did errands. At the end of the day, Marthe, Agathe and some of the other neighbor parents, Jodi, Rebecca and Gregg came by to wish her well.

Scott was here last night for an orientation, of sorts. It looks like it will work out well. The boys were very hyper and wild, additionally excited about Scott’s presence. It seems now that the medication turns off promptly at 6:30 and then all hell breaks loose. It may be a difficult transition to the new school schedule, new sitter etc.

Aug 31
Today was the first day of school. We saw the boys off onto their respective buses, which come one half hour apart, and Howard used his new camcorder to document the occasion. I think we were more excited that they were. After all, they are used to riding the school bus. Jeff came home utterly exhausted but reported that he had played outside and painted.

Hart fell asleep on the bus. Tomorrow is the first full day with lunchboxes and Scott meeting them. Both teachers reported that the boys had good days. I think the hassle of separating them paid off.

Sept 4
We are settling in to the new school routine. I can see that it is working out fine. We have had several reports from Hart’s teacher, “he loved the smelly markers,” “he enjoyed the visit to the science lab,” but no word from Jeff’s teacher. Now we have a four-day weekend with Labor Day and a day off for Teacher In-Service Day. Scott seems to be working out well. The boys love him and he has lots of energy and a laid-back attitude that leaves him unstressed at the end of the day. Jeff comes home early and usually takes a nap. Hart sleeps on the bus since he is the last dropoff. Then the wild rumpus begins.

The boys have some new favorite books, Curious George, and a book about two cats, Max and Minnie. I have been experimenting with some different videos. Jeff still loves the trucks and construction tapes. They have outgrown Barney and Kidsongs. We have two new stuffed toy cats, Zach, which Hart named and Tippy, which I named, since I didn’t like Kitty or Catty or another Zach which were the names the boys suggested.

Sept 6
Yesterday was Saturday and the boys were OK until the evening. Howard and I have been taking them to walk along the lake near NU’s campus. They like to see the boat house and the students surfing and boating. However, they are so reckless and inattentive to the bikers, skaters and water’s edge that it can be absolutely nerve-wracking.

It is unseasonably hot now. Yesterday we went to the pool and the boys latched on to this hapless baby who was at first delighted with their attention and then increasingly distressed when they wouldn’t lay off. Hart kissed her and shared his shovel with her. Then he commandeered Jeff’s shovel for her, too. They followed her all over for a long time. Jeff started splashing her and waving his leaves in her face. It seems they just get stuck on an idea or action and nothing can pry them loose.

We had a bit of a scene today. I was working upstairs when I heard a thump in the basement. I asked Howard to have a look. When I came downstairs several minutes later, Howard was still watching TV. Rushing down to the basement, I found my brand-new Scrabble set destroyed, letters scattered everywhere and the game board ripped to shreds. They have apparently outwitted the childproof locks on the cabinet and help themselves whenever our backs our turned. I was furious at all three of them. I spent the evening inventorying the letters and searching for missing one. The game board is a dead loss.

Sept 13
Busy weekend. We were at gymnastics this morning. We had only Scott as an aide so he took Hart and Jeff managed by himself with only his teacher’s help. We are going to a birthday party for Sammy and then I am hosting book club here. What was I thinking?

I hope to hear from Dr. H tomorrow. At school, they are giving the medication so early that the boys go beserk right at 5:30 and the evenings are really unpleasant. I don’t know if they are outgrowing the dose, the nap or the timing is off. Anyway, it’s been hard. Jeff is so reckless that he runs into the path of oncoming cars with regularity. This has happened a couple times in the evenings. Also, I can’t let them ride bikes once the meds wear off. They are too wild and oblivious to danger. Hart ran headlong into the R’s van recently. Luckily no damage to the car, but he flew off, splat, into the car.

I have been trying to read some classic fairy tales. The boys love The Three Little Pigs. They have been so tired that they go to sleep at the same time and it is impossible to get their attention for a story together.

Sept 22
We are back from a weekend in Ann Arbor. The boys were pretty good on the long car ride, but the weekend wasn’t much fun for me at Howard’s law school reunion. The boys were well-behaved enough at the childcare program that was provided.

We have a year’s membership at a new synagogue and took Hart and Jeff to the children’s service on Rosh Hashana. Again, they were fine, if a bit fidgety. Then we left them for a bit at the babysitting in the preschool. It was a beautiful day so they played on the playground in their nice clothes. Today was the first day back to school after the long weekend. Both boys seemed eager to go and Scott reported that they were great with him and he did not need to give an early dose of medication. I think they feel more comfortable on their regular schedule.

It is really fall now. The boys wore long pants for the first time in months. They have sprouted up over the summer and many things are now too short.

Sept 30
Today was Yom Kippur. I took the boys to the children’s service. Jeff fell asleep near the end: he has another ear infection. Hart was with Howard for a while and also fell asleep in the big sanctuary. Then the played outside at the Gan with the babysitters. We were supposed to have a playdate with Gali, but it rained. I took the boys at 5 p.m.to Old Orchard and then to IHOP for dinner. At Old Orchard, they wanted to go into a shoe store(?). I said OK, as long as they didn’t touch anything. Hart replied, “I have to touch things to see them well.”

Oct 8
Things have been going along well. However, Scott told me he is leaving so I have had a frenzied week trying to make other arrangements. Today I got a call that there two spaces in the Evanston afterschool care program. Hurray!

The boys are in good humor today. Nathan and Clara came over yesterday and everyone played together nicely. Today Hart was using the stick horse, announcing, “I gappelling.”

Oct 14
Hart is going on his first school field trip tomorrow. All the kindergartners are going to a pumpkin farm. He is extremely excited. School has made an amazing impression on him. He loves Ms. B, his teacher. This evening, out of nowhere, he recited the Pledge of Allegiance. A few words were garbled, but it was a recognizable Pledge. At dinner when I wiped his mouth, he said, “Don’t wipe my eyebrows.” Maybe they are working on body parts?

Howard and I met with a behavioral therapist this evening. Although things are going fairly well, I still think we could use the added input. Dr. L deals with a lot of ADHD kids and seems to have a handle on the situation.

October 17, 1998
Hart and I went into the city in the driving rain to pick up the printout of my book from the OUTLINES office. He was pretty good-natured on the loooong drive. We had dinner at a Chinese restaurant and he was pretty rambunctious. Luckily, there weren’t a lot of people there. While our waiter was standing respectfully off to the side, watching us to make sure everything was OK, Hart looks up and says, “Why you standing there? GO WORK!” The waiter and I were both doubled over with laughter.

October 26, 1998
Aunt Mady was here over the weekend and the boys were on best behavior and made a good impression. It was a hectic weekend with me running downtown to get Mady, gymnastics on Sunday, then a birthday party and Exploritorium (a nightmare of a design). However, the guys have been doing very well. It’s funny now that they are really speaking “like people.” Today Hart said, “Just a second!” and “I’m just kidding.” The afterschool care is going just great. I think they really benefit from being the youngest. When I pick them up they are generally interacting with an older kid. Hart did not want to leave today–an older girl of about eight or nine was assisting him with an art project, a haunted house made of cover milk cartons.

November 1
What an exciting few days. On Friday, I schlepped the boys downtown to the Chicago Tribune for their modeling gig. Jeff was a real trooper, modeling a blue blazer, striped shirt and tie, just like Daddy wears. Hart was wearing about six layers of clothes including a Ralph Lauren sweater with a flag on it and adorable Birkenstøck sandals. However, his patience wore thin and he wouldn’t really cooperate. I guess it was worth it, since they will be in the Chicago Tribune and I took pictures myself of them in those amazing clothes. I don’t think this is the start of a career

Then I drove them back north in time for their respective Halloween parties at school. I was just in time to get Jeff there for the costume parade. It was very cute. The boys are wearing the chef outfits Ted got them. They got a lot of compliments but Hart wants to be Batman and Jeff announced his wants to be a tiger. Next year, I guess.

Chicago Tribune, November 1997

All the aftercare kids were bused to Northwestern University, so they got even more candy there. We didn’t get home until well after 6:30 and the boys were pretty wild with excitement and sugar.

We had an uneventful morning yesterday, Halloween. I took them shopping, since we need a few birthday party gifts. Then at around 3:30 p.m., we dressed them up in the chef clothes and took them out trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. We started out with Zach and Christian, then Aaron and his dad joined us and then we caught up with the big St. Joan gang, including the Rs, As and more. We did the 9500 block, then followed the gang over a few blocks. Jeff was going strong but Hart kept saying he wanted to go home, so we cut back through and came home. The boys spent the rest of the hour passing out candy which I think they really preferred.

Nov 3
We attended an activity night at Jeff’s school. It was nice meeting the other parents, if nothing else. Howard said he got depressed. When we arrived, the kids descended on Jeff, yelling, “Jeffrey, Jeffrey!” and running up to hug him. Then they caught sight of Hart and started yelling, “Two Jeffreys, there are two Jeffreys!” It didn’t help that Hart’s glasses broke beyond repair and he can’t wear them. We’ll go to Lenscrafters tomorrow. Luckily, they are still under warranty.

Nov 5
Both boys are sick so I am home today with them. Jeff was sent home yesterday from school. He can’t shake this ear infection despite several rounds of antibiotics. He spent the morning sleeping in my office and the afternoon at Grandma’s. Then I took Hart to Lenscrafters. He could barely stay upright. We chose the frames and came right home and he went to bed. They know Hart so well at Lenscrafters that the manager didn’t charge the $50 replacement for the new pair. They are very cute, with little cars on the bridge. I didn’t get cable temples this time–I think he is bends them out of shape while yanking them off.

Nov 11, 1998
Hart is still under the weather and sleeping a lot, so I have been talking with Jeff more than usual. Yesterday at dinner:
J: I like milk. Milk makes stong arms. Feel!
L: How strong!
J: Gimme more milk–I want to be more strong.

Both boys are drilling at school, name, address, age, boy or girl, etc.
L: Are you a girl or a boy?
J: I’m a kid!

Nov 18
It’s been a tough week. The boys’ sleep patterns have gone awry. Hart gets up at 5:30 a.m., wakes Jeff, eats breakfast. Then Jeff goes back to sleep, misses breakfast and is impossible to rouse for school. He still has an ear infection, despite three rounds of antibiotics and new drops. Afterschool care is going great–Jeff is the pet of the whole program. The older girls fight over who holds his hand and by the teacher’s account, he is eating it up. A teacher moved from Hart’s site to Jeff’s and apparently, not knowing that Hart is a twin, kept asking Jeff where his glasses were. Jeff never told her that he wasn’t Hart and finally one of the teachers told her, “That’s not Hart! It’s his twin brother.”

Jeff has watched An American Tail, about a zillion times. He says it is his favorite. A few days ago, he announced, “My tummy’s crying. It wants food.”

Today Hart asked me when my birthday was.

November 24
We had a tough weekend and I have a call in to Dr. H to see if anything is related to the medication. The boys have been very impulsive and distractible. Lots of weird noises and misbehavior.

However, we have had some “firsts.” Hart’s first tooth is loose. The boys got their first report cards on Friday. Hart’s strongest marks were in drama, which he likes, and in gym. Movement seems to be his strength, no surprise. Jeff’s report card says, “Emerging skills,” in almost all categories. We had our conference with Jeff’s teachers yesterday and will meet with Hart’s today.

We discussed the “twin talk” which Jeff apparently uses at school, too. We thought it was just between the two of them. Although Howard and I aren’t conversant in this language we do recognize a few phrases, “roni-roni,” “moni-moni,” “abu abu abu,” “amoo,” “yoni yoni,” “yak a yoo yak,” “yak a yoo mak,” “mah der” and Hart’s name for our new vacuum cleaner, which may have fallen out of use, “choosy roni.”

We had a new cleaning lady yesterday, so Hart announced, “I check him out!” His other new favorite words, picked up from day care, are “gross” and “nasty.”

November 28
Thanksgiving went fine and yesterday, Friday, was OK. We are having unheard-of warm weather. It’s been in the mid-sixties, so the boys have been biking and playing outside. We recently changed Jeff’s medication and it seems to be successful, but Hart has been ornery and defiant. Oy.

We went to the circus today. The boys were OK during the first half but at intermission a catered feast was brought into the the suite and sent the boys into a frenzy, not so much for the food (which was not for us) but for collecting plates and cups which they proceeded to bang during the second half. During the high wire act there was some screaming and whimpering. I don’t think we’ll go next year. It will be more of a treat to do it occasionally.

We are having a terrible problem with spitting, particularly Hart. If he’s mad, disagrees or sometimes just when he feels like it, he’ll spit. Sometimes he says, “pooh pooh pooh” and on the last “p,” splat! He has had a few time-outs for this and I have also tried ignoring it but to no avail. And, now Jeff seems to be picking this up.

The boys appeared in this weekend’s Sunday Tribune in their modeling debut. Very cute.
Hart wanted to ask for something but he couldn’t quite get at the word. “I want more…I want more…,” as we desperately tried to think what it was he wanted. He got more and more frustrated until he blurted out, “cherry-berries.” Aha, cranberries!

Dec 7
What a weekend. Jeff has been under the weather and I think Howard and I are both getting sick, too. Every evening Jeff would start writhing and screaming, then complaining his tummy hurt. I returned last night from book club around 10 p.m. and could hear him yelling in his bed. He woke Hart up, so we took him downstairs until he fell asleep on the couch. Even so, every few minutes he would double over and start screaming again. Since he couldn’t calm down in his bed, we brought him into our room. Again, everytime we dozed off, he would go off again. I finally ended up sleeping on the floor with him, wrapped around him, enduring being kicked most of the night. I kept rubbing his belly and that seemed to calm him into sleep…for a while. We thought it might be constipation, but I think there was some psychological component, too, maybe night terrors. Today at bedtime, he started whining again about his stomach hurting but I held firm, “No screaming tonight. You must sleep in your own bed.”

Two funny comments: Jeff points to the salad on his plate, “Put some clothes on it.”

Hart built a big box with the waffle blocks. “I build a big house, a big house…a HOTEL.”

December 14
Second night of Hanukah. The boys are, of course, into presents, presents, more presents. Last night they got Hot Wheels trucks. I think we must have an entire fleet now. Tonight they got bug puppets, a bee for Hart and a grasshopper for Jeff. Jeff wanted the bee so there was a little disappointment over that but then the bee and grasshopper played together and all was well.

We started working with a new child psychologist. Although we love Margie, I think this one has a great plan. So far, it seems to be working wonders. We had a terrific weekend, even though Howard had to spend most of it at his office. So it was just me and the boys. As per Dr. Lavigne’s instructions, I lavish praise for appropriate behavior, as often as every 15 seconds. Any inappropriate behavior that isn’t life-threatening gets no attention or eye contact whatsoever. I have stopped yelling completely and the burden is off me to wrangle two misbehaving kids at once. I just step away and avert my eyes! I have also been using cereal pieces or stickers as re-inforcers for appropriate behavior and that has helped, too. However, I notice that the boys respond positively to just having our attention.

Hart has been singing “Dreydel, Dreydel” at the top of his lungs. He only knows the first two lines. He also sings his original version of Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. When we picked babysitter Leah up, he sang all the way home and Leah and I cracked up.

Both boys’ speech and language ability is much, much improved. Jeff is the pet of his day care. His teacher reports she has to keep the other kids off him. I think they imagine him as some kind of living, walking, talking doll. Hart is very much into his stuffed animals. We have Zach the cat, the two Whaleys, Little Bear. His friend Annie has quite a collection of Beanie Babies, so Hart is now interested in “baby babies.” As much bad press as “Teletubbies” get, the boys like the show and I think the language is perfect for them (although the show is aimed at toddlers.) Hart calls them “tebe-tubbies.”

Dec 19
Yesterday Hart and I stopped at Happy Foods on the way home. He kept nagging me for a big lollipop he saw in a displayed jar of them. Exasperated by my answer, he appealed to the cashier. “Can I have this?” “You have to buy it,” she told him. “OK,” says Hart, placing it on the belt. I was still half an aisle away. “Do you have money?” the cashier asks. “Yes,” he says. “Where is it?” Clearly and loudly enough to be heard by the whole store, “In Mommy’s purse!” he says, pointing to me. Big laughs all around (but still no sucker.)

December 23
The boys have attended the Park District Holiday Camp for two days and it seems to have gone well. There is one other kid who requires an inclusion aide, so I think there are either two or three aides just to assist Hart, Jeff and that kid. They went to a play and a laser light show. Today I was home with them, since the field trip is an outing to an indoor water park. Hart has a sinus infection and Jeff has yet another ear infection.

We spent the morning at the Shedd Aquarium. We went early enough that it was not crowded at all. We arrived in time to look around at the rays, the seahorse exhibit, the Oceanarium and dolphin demonstration there. When the announcer asked for members of the audience to tell what behaviors they expected to see, Hart’s hand shot up. When she came over, he said he wanted to see “slipping (flipping) and jumping in the water. "

Jan 2, 1999
Snowbound. Howard has been hysterical for two days waiting for the big blizzard and here it is. We went out last night to Leona’s and the boys were on very good behavior. Hart has started getting over-enthusiastic around babies and toddlers, jumping in their faces, grabbing them and yelling, “Gross baby!” Parents don’t appreciate this much and I was summoned twice yesterday, once at McDonald’s and once in Leona’s movie room.

Jan 3
Still stuck at home. Our driveway has over two feet of snow. It was a tough day yesterday, although Howard took the boys out on the sled and for a backyard romp. They have been outdoors today once. I watched from the window as Hart stuck his head in a snow drift, glasses and all. We have already “painted” on the computer and baked muffins. I will have to be creative this afternoon. Hope there is school tomorrow, although I can’t imagine how I will get to work or pick the boys up.

Jan 12, 1999
This winter has been miserable. Still very cold and snowy. Howard had a tough day with the boys on Saturday. We took them to dinner separately. As Jeff and I were leaving Bakers Square, there was a long line waiting to be seated. “There’s too much peoples here!,” Jeff announces.
Jeff has been earning stamps on his behavior chart as school, but from all reports he lets loose at afterschool care.

Hart is a budding thespian. He got good remarks from his teacher on his activities in drama. He demonstrated his mime. He washes a window, walks a dog, gets blown in the wind, very convincingly.

Jan 17
We attended the festivities after the service, in honor of Eva’s bat mitzvah. The boys were very excited and wanted to hang out exclusively with Eva. After an elaborate kiddush, it dawned on me that there was yet a sitdown luncheon to follow. I kept an eye on the boys while the room was changed over. They wanted to be with the other kids, but somehow playing around on the bimah proved irrestible. We lasted through the salad and left after Eva’s speech. I think Jeff had some schnapps, since he told me he drank “spicy water.”

Feb 3
Hart announced that he wanted a dog. When I asked what he was going to do with a dog, he said, “Play with him.” Leah asked what kind of dog he wanted and Hart replied, “Clifford!”

I flipped on the radio in the car to catch the signoff on National Public Radio, just as the host said, “I’m Terry Gross and this has been Fresh Air.” Jeff pipes up in the back seat, “He say ‘gross.’” That was pretty funny but when I tried to explain that her NAME was Gross, that was hysterical.

I have noticed some strange twin things. On the same day, both boys independently said, “Mommy, you need a haircut.” Yesterday, there was a beautiful clear sky and a full moon. As Hart and I were picking up Jeff, I pointed it out and said, “Look we can see the stars tonight.” Hart started jumping, saying, “I catch the stars.” Later when we went to drop Eva off, Jeff looks up and says, “I catching stars.”

Hart’s speech has become much more sophisticated in the past few weeks. Although he still can’t say /f/ or /v/, he can make more elaborate constructions. Yesterday he asked Eva, “Have you seen this movie before?”

Feb 6
We had a play date today with Dale and Lia here. It went very well and I see the boys interacting more with other kids. Hart is going over to Annie’s this afternoon. This is his second time over there…without me.

I have gotten several bad reports from Ms. B about Hart. He and Candice are a lethal pair and they told me at daycare that Candice’s father has taken her off medication!

Poor Jeff! We have just been running hither and thither to doctors. Yesterday he was at the allergist since he has eczema all over now. Dr. C thinks it must be a food allergy and advises doing a second scratch test. Dr. C was happy to hear about the plan to remove Jeff’s tonsils and adenoids. It is really warranted in a case as severe as his ear infections have been. Next week we are seeing a plastic surgeon about removing the birthmark on his leg at the same time as the tonsilectomey. I am also taking him to the opthamologist. His school reports indicates some trouble with his right eye. If he wears glassese, no one will be able to tell them apart.

Feb 8
We had a hairy night last night. Hart awoke at 3 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. We finally brought him into our room, but he had already woken Jeff. I could hear him talking to himself, singing all the songs he knows, to no avail. I was just drifting off again when I heard him say, “Once upon a time, there was one zebra and one ant.” Howard took him downstairs around 4 am and gave him breakfast. When I came downstairs at 7 a.m., both boys were asleep on the couch. Hart’s teacher said he had an OK day but was very tired. So were we.

February 14
Last night we watched Mulan which has just been released on video. When Hart saw the trailer, he asked, “Is that Poken-hontas?” I told him it wasn’t, it’s a different girl. In fact Pochahontas lives here in this country and Mulan lives far away in China. “Oh,” Hart said thoughtfully, “Maybe they’re friends.”

Feb 16
The boys are very interested in board games these days. We have an Alphabet Lotto game which is the favorite. We have gotten in the habit of playing every day now. I like it because it’s a structured (and educational) activity that we can do together. Hart insists we play, “three games,” showing me ten fingers. By the way, both boys can count to twenty pretty consistently now and Hart can write his name recognizably.

I bought two other board games recently, Shopping List, which is both a matching game like Lotto and a memory game like Concentration. It took a few games to catch on but Jeff has the strategy now and he pays attention to the location of the cards. I also introduced a simple picture Bingo game. The winner gets to be the caller for the next game. There used to be a big hue and cry if one lost the game but with Lotto we count the cards until the loser’s winning cards are revealed and that seems to work as a consolation.

Feb 20
Hobbes has never been to interested in the boys but when I am putting them to bed, she will occasionally come by and have a look. Two nights ago, she stayed in their room while I was singing to Jeff, then I said, “Hobbes, come on, it’s time to sing to Hart.” She dutifully came over to Hart’s side of the room. As I started sing, Hart exclaimed indignantly, “He’s not singing!”
Took Jeff to the eye doctor and he has a slight astigmatism but does not need glasses. He was OK in Debbie’s office but of course, never stopped moving. I was surprised that he was cooperative in taking the eye exam and was able to indentify the images.

Returned from Matthew's brithday party completed exhausted. The boys were moderately well behaved–for them–but it just kills me that the other parents get to sit around, kids in their laps, chatting, while I run and run and run. My knees are shot: they live a tri-level and I spent two and a half hours running up and down three flights of stairs. The most innoucuous item is a major distraction for them, the balloon decorations (up onto the couch with shoes on within moments of arriving), Jeff spied the scotch tape in the kitchen, excercise equipment in the basement…

It was all three-year-olds except us and those kids managed to leave the presents alone and allow the birthday boy to open them. They managed to watch the clown. Jeff kept interupting this hapless clown until I took him out, Hart thought he was part of the show, which was cute for about three seconds. Of course, all the adults want to accommodate them but they have no idea about the magnitude of the quirks and obsessions: the scotch tape, the crepe paper, the paper plates. We can’t indulge it at all.

It took us three false starts to actually leave, once because Jeff had disobeyed me and taken all the contents of goodie bag out, then lost his stickers, then Hart remembered that he had forgotten his balloon rabbit and had to retrieve it. On the way home, he took it apart and then popped the balloon.

Feb 22
Hart has announced now a few times that he wants Clissord (Clifford, the big red dog). Today he said he wants Clifford for a birthday present. He is going to ride him and play with him. When I pointed out that Clifford is bigger than our house and might not fit, Hart insisted, “I squeeze him in.”

Feb 28
I told Jeff that the ball he was playing with had been mine when I was a little girl. “It’s not yours anymore,” he said.

March 8
Jeff continues to be interested in vehicles. His points out Jeeps and he likes VW Beetles, ever since he saw one and exclaimed, “A toy car!” Tonight on the way home, Hart saw a similar-looking SUV and said, “Look, a jeep!” “That’s not a Jeep. A Jeep has a square top.” He was right. It was an Isuzu.

March 13
I attended the PNPIC’s conference in Itasca today. Saw Dee Paddock whom I met there two years ago. She was the keynote speaker. It’s very reassuring that someone has gone the path before us. Her three adopted Korean children are now in their teens and she says, “adoptive parents pay up front.” Apparently, adolescence is a cinch! It was great to see her and joke about Hart’s adventure at Old Orchard and being banned from the J. Someone who understands!

The boys spent the morning with sitter Leah and she said they were great. We took Leah home and played a while at Penny Park. Hart’s language is so much improved that he easily joins other kids now. For dinner, we met Dawn and her two daughters at Old Orchard’s food court. Hart glommed onto Hannah who is eight. Grace was a little tired and felt about left out since Jeff followed Hart’s lead and hung out with Hannah.

Howard made it home at 8:15 so he got to see the boys for a change. He was astonished at Hart’s speech. It’s been hard on the boys not having him around, but then it’s like a disruption when he does arrive. One more month of this grind.

Hart told me on the way home from school yesterday that if I am in jail, with “handcups,” he will save me by breaking the cage and helping me escape. I thanked him for his good intentions, but reassured him that I hope not to ever be in jail.

March 19
It’s been a tough week without Howard. Last night I was so stressed after the boys refused to come in the house after I picked them up that I gave them timeouts and screamed at them. Later Jeff said, “Mommy, you talk crazy and say mean things to me.” That about sums it up.

March 28
Granny is coming today. Jeff will have his tonsils out on Tuesday, then Wednesday is the first night of Passover.

We attended Jeff’s classroom open house last Thursday. Hart got indignant when one of Jeff’s classmates mistook him for Jeff. “He call me Jeff. I not Jeff. I Hart.” We calmed him down and told him to say, “I am Jeff’s brother. My name is Hart.” A few minutes later, Hart ran over to the same kid, took off his glasses and said, “I not Hart now. I Jeff.” Then he put his glasses back on and said, “I am just teasing. I Hart.”

April 4
We took Mom to the airport yesterday. Jeff slept for about three days, then bounced back. He seems to be completely recovered. When the nurse came to check Jeff’s vitals, she asked where his heart is. “At school.”

We had dinner last night with Grandma and Grandpa.

April 7
Jeff’s throat is still a little sore and he has be careful what he eats. This morning he started crying because something was irritating his throat. “Who took Jeff’s tonsils out?” Hart asked. I told him Dr. S had done it. “Well, Jeff wants them back in!”

April 17
The boys are going through a belligerent stage. If I hear “Shut up, you stupid Mommy,” one more time… Hart has another ear infection, but Jeff seems to be doing well since the tonsils came out. Next week, the stitches are being removed where the mole was taken off.

April 25
We went to see babysitter Leah in her high school production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat last night. It seemed like a good idea–short, musical with lots of visuals. The first act went fine, but during the second act, Jeff slid under his seat, Hart joined him, and in a flash they were gone, slithering somewhere under the seats in the dark. It was harrowing, as there was nothing we could do (except blame each other in terse whispers). Finally, I saw Hart's head bob up in the center aisle and I sprinted down to collect him. Our whole section breathed a sign of relief, but we didn't find Jeff until the show was over and the lights came up. I think it was his plan to collect all the programs under the seats. It may be a while before we take them back to the theater.

May 9
Our weekend in Arizona went fine and we returned to find Gin and the house still standing. However, this past week has been miserable. For some reason, Hart has been unable to sleep, so we have been up with him at all hours. Needless to say, he is exhausted at school and unable to really participate. Finally, after talking to Dr. Hammer about adjusting the medication, he slept through Thursday night and was more alert on Friday. Jeff has had some difficulties, too. He has been up with Hart, gotten into trouble several times at school and on the bus.
We are going to resume with Margie and are seeing Dr. Hammer this week.

May 18
Took Hart to the eye doctor. He has lazy eye and she wants to strengthen the weaker eye. So we must put drops in for six weeks and see how that goes. Dr. Hammer saw both boys and says they are looking much better, although we have a few years of adventure ahead.

We are changing Jeff’s medication–the Celexa was a bust. Spring must be in the air because Jeff has taken to running away again. He left gymnastics on Sunday. This morning I heard him singing outside as I was getting dressed. He had gotten his shoes and backpack on and was cheerfully waiting in the driveway for the school bus. I guess it’s an improvement over last year, when he routinely just took off when the spirit moved him.

I am impressed at Hart’s improvement in language. He understands and retells stories. He is capable of abstract thought and understanding more complex plots of stories and movies.

The new interest for both boys is death. We had a dead bird in our driveway and talked about that for a while. This evening Hart told Eva and me that he was a bad guy, then tipped himself over in his Cozy Coupe and did an elaborate death scene, ending with him lying still, splayed out, eyes closed. It was an award-winning performance. Jeff pretended to be a dead bird, then came back to life at the promise of cookies, and flapped his wings into the kitchen.

May 29
Labor Day Weekend. We are off to a bad start. It’s 2 am Friday night and neither boys can sleep. Howard and I have been up and down with one or the other all evening. Howard finally gave up and went to bed. A while later we could hear them laughing and screaming in the basement. We know from bitter experience that if one can’t sleep, the other won’t and neither will we.

It’s been a miserable two weeks. I went to both boys’ year-end reviews which were disappointing in the extreme. It look like we must step up the speech therapy and get private OT. I also want to consult a psychiatrist since it appears that the whole cocktail of medication isn’t working at all.

Jeff has had spring fever which means running away and all manner of disobedience at school. Hart was so unpleasant and unruly this evening in the restaurant, it was like unpleasant deja vu.

June 6
It is hot, hot, hot. We have been to the pool every weekend day since it opened over Memorial Day. The boys are much calmer there this year, although the guards frequently remind them not to run.

Hart looked at Howard’s wet legs yesterday and asked, “What’s that?” “Hair.” Howard told him he had hairy legs because he is a monster. When I walked over, Hart pointed at Howard’s legs and said, “I don’t like that.”

Hart has been interested in drawing lately, when he isn’t yelling at us or pouting. He was working on a face in the car. “Eyebrows, nose, boogers.”

Jeff’s passion for VW Beetles continues. I called customer service to ask if there was a poster of a Beetle and the woman promised to send one.

June 20
Long, long weekend. We started OT on Saturday and I like the therapist. The boys really enjoyed their session and were pretty verbal and cooperative. But the fun ended on Saturday morning.

Hart is still ornery and surly. If he is reprimanded or denied something, he goes into a tirade of “shut up, shut up, stupid, shut up, pig.” I had to drag him out of gymnastics in a swearing tirade (him, not me). Once he calmed down a bit, he was fine.

Not that Jeff is much easier. Howard says he is overly enthusiastic, but I think he is just loud. You can hear him from blocks away. He is now in the habit of saying the same thing over and over again at top decibels. It may just be some word he is fixated on like today, “BUTTONS!” or “CAT-ER-PILLAR!!!” or a question that he will keep repeating even if he has heard the answer. I have gotten into the habit after hearing it five or so times of saying, “I said yes, you must stop asking” or “I heard you.”

This afternoon on the playground Jeff said, “I the mean mommy. You be Jeff. Get out of my stuff.” Uncanny. Then I asked what the nice mommy says. Jeff told me, “good job.”
This evening Jeff found a packet of advertising postcards in the garbage. He showed Hart and me each one and described what was in the picture. There was one for fancy shower enclosure which Jeff explained is a “bug box.”

July 20
So much has happened lately. Up and down. Both boys have ear infections. Jeff is seeing both an otologist and an allergist. At least we aren’t giving them antibiotics anymore.

We have had some adventures with swearing and running away.

The summer is going quickly. This is the last week of summer school and summer day care. Next week, the boys will be at different day camps through the Park District.

Jeff is really blossoming. He is almost a savant with an I Spy book we have. I read off the things to find in the picture and Jeff points to the item immediately while I am still scanning. I have been playing classical music in the car, since the tape deck is not working. No Bach, it makes them hyper! Tonight a lively Strauss polka came on and Jeff exclaimed, “Fireworks!”

Hart has not been eating much lately. Too hot. However, Jeff is still chowing down. When Hart left the table, Jeff said, “He will be WEAK.”

July 28
The boys started camp on Monday. The adjustment seems to be going OK, but it’s a long day, no nap and they are very difficult when I pick them up and when they arrive home around 6 p.m. Yesterday I got an earful from Jeff’s aide about how both of them had a joyous reunion at the pool, got into trouble with the lifeguard several times and had to be removed. Also, Jeff’s ear is draining again, so I am sidelining them both from swimming.

I am so tired, tired, tired. I just dread having to pick them both up at the end of the day, in two different places. Arrrrgh.

A coworker whose daughter is a speech therapist gave me a tip about helping Hart say /f/. So today in the car, we practiced saying “Five Fat Fish.” He CAN say the sound at the end of the word easily if he thinks about it. He said, “Jeff,” “laugh,” “tough.” It is much harder for him at the beginning of the word. He has to concentrate very hard. I keep praising him and telling him how proud Rachel will be when she sees him in the fall when he can say those hard words.
Had to laugh. H&J were working together on the Lion King puzzle. And here are the “cantaloupe feet.” (antelope).

Both boys have a new fascination with bodies. Every night around bathtime, there is some variation of “Look at my BUTT!” Today, Hart squeezed my chest and asked, “You have balloons under there?” I told him no, it’s part of my body. I should have stopped there but then I said, “All ladies have them.” To which Hart replied, “You are not a lady, you’re a MOMMY.”

July 30
Busy day! I picked up Jeff from camp to take him to J’s birthday party. It’s beastly hot–close to 100 degrees even early in the day. En route to J’s party, I was coaching Jeff, “Now what do you say to J when you get to his house?” I asked. “Don’t bite me again!” Jeff instantly replied. J’s parents and M’s mom got a big laugh out of that. I guess that’s a bit of special ed humor.

Jeff did very well at the party. He loved the “penny scramble.” The kids had to find the pennies in a ring on the grass. Jeff was still at it, long after the other kids had lost interest. We put the pennies in his bank tonight and counted them–127!

August 6, 1999
Yesterday was the last day of camp and Hart’s and Jeff’s birthday. They brought cookies to camp and were very excited about being six. In the evening, Howard attended Jeff’s camp finale, where Jeff danced to YMCA and I went to Hart’s program. Hart’s department (5-6 year old boys and girls) did a country-western line dance which was adorable. I notice they put the best dancers in the middle of the line, so Hart and one other girl were front and center. Both boys have a very good sense of rhythm and movement.

Hart has mastered the monkey bars, too. He can swing all the way across. He must have worked on that at camp because he couldn’t do it a few weeks ago. Also, he was too short to reach the bars, so it is not my imagination that they are getting taller. Tomorrow is the backyard birthday party and the weather is supposed to be nice but possibly a little cool for running in the sprinkler.

Aug 15
We changed the boys’ meds and it seems to be a great success. They are still obnoxious when together but very charming when apart.

Yesterday Jeff made the longest utterance I have ever heard from him. I still get excited hearing a sentence over six words. When I told him he would have to wait for a nap until I put clean sheets on his bed, he said, “I’ll have to sleep in Mommy’s bed, because I am too tired to wait.”

Howard, Hart and Arnie went to the annual outing at Great America. Jeff and I went with Leslie, her husband and children to the zoo. Jeff really enjoyed the newly-renovated seal pool. He loved watching the seals swim by in the underwater observatory.

August 26, 1999
We have returned from our vacation. Five days in Oregon and more than 1000 miles on the rental car. It was a nightmare from beginning to end. Hart had a complete meltdown about every hour, it seemed. Jeff did plenty of goading him into mischief. We didn’t see much except from the windows of the car. Awful. I was never so glad to be home again.

During the trip, if Hart was thwarted in any way or told “no,” he would do what I call the chimpanzee scream, where he pulls back his lips and emits this high-pitched shriek which can shatter glass. This won lots of friends on the flight home. I think his nervous system just went kaput the first day. He wouldn’t even bother to say what was wrong, just drop to the floor and start the screaming. He would flail around and actually socked me in the face several times during the week. Now that we are home, it’s back to the old routine. This morning, when he tried the scream and flinging himself around, he went straight to his room until he was calm.

This morning I took the boys to see Dr. Hammer and told him a bit of our travails. He is trying a fourth SSRI for Jeff and we are increasing Hart’s Prozac for mood stabilization.

August 29
The nightmare continues. I don’t know what has gotten into them. Hart antagonized a homeowner at a garage sale by stepping through his plastic window well. I was holding his hand at the time, I just couldn’t jerk him up before he put his weight on it. Up till then, he had been fine.

Yesterday, for about an hour, Hart could say the /f/ sound. He said, “foot,” “feet,” “farm,” etc.
Today, it’s gone.

Sept 4
First week back to school. Hart has been in and out of trouble daily. He had a meltdown on the second day that alarmed both teachers and students. We are going to lower the Prozac and see if that helps. The dynamic at home seems to be Jeff thinking up the mischief and Hart executing it, getting into trouble and amusing Jeff no end. I have taken to punishing both, Hart for doing it and Jeff for telling him to do “bad things.” Today I was out of the room for three minutes, heard a thump in the basement and came down to find Hart sitting in the clothes dryer. That had all the hallmarks of a Jeff idea. Another minute and Jeff surely would have closed the door and possibly turned it on!

Margie agrees that the “timeouts” are not working. She would prefer we hold them in the basket hold. However, it is very hard with two, because the other one comes to the aid of his brother and attacks any adult.

I took Jeff with me to the dentist this week, because Hart was having a meltdown. When we got in the car, I asked him to stop bothering Hart while he is upset and in timeout. Jeff replied that he wanted to get Hart out of timeout. It was a pretty succint and clear answer. My usual response is YOU ARE NOT THE MOMMY. In this case, I said that when he the daddy, he can tell his own children when a timeout is over.

Sept 13
It’s 5760. What a strange few days. After twelve years, I am leaving the library. It had to happen sooner or later. Already I feel a weight has been lifted.

We are quite concerned about both boys. Jeff has been up to all kinds of sneaky mischief. He ran away again and when I captured him and sent him in the house for a timeout, he broke a window with his toy car. Lucky he wasn’t hurt.

Hart has been busy throwing tantrums of all manner. He also has developed the unpopular habit of poking people in the butt and I mean, in the butt. He got in trouble at gymnastics and as relunctant as I was, I suggested to the gymnastics head that I withdraw him. So he will take dance this session and Jeff will have gymnastics alone.

Sept 14
Cleaning out my office. What an undertaking. Still bewildered by the impossible behavior at home. Hart was reprimanded for telling me to “Shut Up.” Then Jeff asked if my feelings were hurt when Hart said that. I told Jeff they were and he suggested I go to “the hopsital,” to have my feelings mended.

Sept 16
Getting used to idea of not working. Weird. Spoke to Margie today and also had a message from Dr. K. I will arrange for him to meet Hart. I also want to ask Dr. H if it could be the Prozac that is making Hart so angry and irritable.

Read Jeff a new books that he liked, called Chipmunk. I kept trying not to laugh at Jeff calling it “Chick-munk.”

Interesting thing: Jeff was playing on the computer with a new CD-ROM game. At one point, you can click on seashells and they make different sounds. Jeff clicked on one and heard a voice speaking Russian. At the sound of that, he jerked his head up and looked at me quizzically. I wonder if he subconsciously recognized the sound of the language. It was very strange.

Sept 25
The countdown at the library. Two days left. Things are going well here as long as we don’t let the boys near each other. This requires extraordinary logistical planning.

Hart did well in dance class yesterday. His aide did not show up and it didn’t matter, he did the whole class without assistance. He is very proud of his black dance slippers and at the end, the little girls got to dance in filmy skirts and Hart got to wear a gold lamé vest.

Hart spent the morning at Grandma’s while I took Jeff to gymnastics. Without Hart, Jeff doesn’t really require an aide either. He has no problem participating with the class!

Hart hit paydirt at a rummage sale. Not much of interest to me, but for 25¢ he got to fill up a bag. He found four new furbies, two giant trolls and a stuffed puppy. Tonight Hart and I ate Chinese food, with the trolls as company. I promised to take him to the Wilmette Nature Center if there was time after dinner. As we were leaving, I asked, “Do you want to eat your fortune cookie now?” Hart says, “I am going to eat it at the park, duh!” He has got a way to go yet to talk like a sarcastic teenager…I thought.

Oct 3, 1999
So far I am enjoying retirement. Been hitting all the garage and rummage sales for cool stuff. Last night was the second night of Simchat Torah and I took Jeff to B’nai Emunah for the service. Before the marching began, he was a little restless and played with his toy Beetle in the aisle. When everyone sang the Sh’ma, a little voice piped up from the floor, “I know that song!”

Jeff marched around all seven times. The kids get to carry the silver crowns and breastplates from the Torahs, so Jeff did that, waved flags and stayed until the refreshments.

Oct 11
Columbus Day. We went to the Shedd Aquarium with Adam, Annie and Terri. It was fine and one hour was just enough, but on the way home, Annie had a meltdown and she and Hart started brawling in the backseat on Lake Shore Drive. When I tried to intervene, she sank her teeth into my arm and then my hand. She was remorseful later but Terri was mortified. I assured her I am used to physical abuse from six-year-olds.

The boys are talking a lot about Halloween. Hart is going to be Mickey Mouse and Jeff is going to be a monster. They have made decorations for the house, pictures of pumpkins and bats. Hart is enamored of drawing and he can now make recognizable images.

Also, all of a sudden, they are crazy about the Brio train set and play with it daily. They put together elaborate expanses of track and run the wooden trains.

They salvaged a large box from the R’s curb. I cut a door and two windows in it and they can play in their house for hours on end!