Phantom, June 2017
July 1, 2017
June 16, 2017
New friend, Phantom
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| My new collar, Like it? It matches my fur and my eyes. |
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| First day home. June 8, 2017 |
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| I claim this chair as mine! |
Phantom is two years old, and was temporarily housed in the cat adoption area of Petsmart. He was offered for adoption by the Anti-Cruelty Society.
December 12, 2016
More Car News
I don't want to go to the auto show this year. I have my own auto show in my bedroom.
_________________________ Jeff
September 22, 2016
Don't Sound (or Write) Stupid, Part 4
A new feature wherein I, Lydia, instruct you, the reader, not to make common, idiotic mistakes of grammar, syntax, or pronunciation of the English language, particularly errors that annoy me. As a review, the word "recognize" is pronounced rek-kog-nize, not reckin-nize.
In this installment, I take a moment's break from my usual role as silent grammar scold to address another issue . . . the misuse and overuse of three words. Aside from being trite and banal, these phrases have the undesired effect of making the speaker sound stupid. Currently, I am being aggravated by a tribe of college students (not stupid!) indulging in their use and overuse.
Excise "basically," which is a synomyn for "fundamentally," not a preamble meaning, "I am about to tell you some extraneous facts, not really related to the subject at hand": "literally," which (surprise) means "literal, in the strictest sense." A little hyberbole never hurts, but it has to be used judiciously. Kill me now, (not literally). And then there is "like." Once upon a time during public speaking class, we were warned not to use "uh" or "uhm" to fill pauses. Now it seems, the word "like" is used instead. Stop it.
In this installment, I take a moment's break from my usual role as silent grammar scold to address another issue . . . the misuse and overuse of three words. Aside from being trite and banal, these phrases have the undesired effect of making the speaker sound stupid. Currently, I am being aggravated by a tribe of college students (not stupid!) indulging in their use and overuse.
Excise "basically," which is a synomyn for "fundamentally," not a preamble meaning, "I am about to tell you some extraneous facts, not really related to the subject at hand": "literally," which (surprise) means "literal, in the strictest sense." A little hyberbole never hurts, but it has to be used judiciously. Kill me now, (not literally). And then there is "like." Once upon a time during public speaking class, we were warned not to use "uh" or "uhm" to fill pauses. Now it seems, the word "like" is used instead. Stop it.
July 28, 2016
Don't Sound (or Write) Stupid, Part 3
A new feature wherein I, Lydia, instruct you, the reader, not to make common, idiotic mistakes of grammar, syntax, or pronunciation of the English language, particularly errors that annoy me. As a review, the word "recognize" is pronounced rek-kog-nize, not reckin-nize.
Special request: I have been asked to explain the difference between its and it's. This is a difficult one and the bane of even educated writers. Somehow the mists of time or convoluted explanations have blurred our understanding, leaving everyone guessing (and often guessing wrong.)
Actually, this is very easy.
Special request: I have been asked to explain the difference between its and it's. This is a difficult one and the bane of even educated writers. Somehow the mists of time or convoluted explanations have blurred our understanding, leaving everyone guessing (and often guessing wrong.)
Actually, this is very easy.
It's is always a contraction for "it is" or "it has." If you cannot substitute either one, use "its."
July 19, 2016
Don't Sound Stupid (or write stupid)! part 2
A new feature wherein I, Lydia, instruct you, the reader, not to make common, idiotic mistakes of grammar, syntax, or pronunciation of the English language, particularly errors that annoy me. As a review, the word "recognize" is pronounced rek-kog-nize, not reckin-nize.
Capitalization: One would think this is easy, but apparently not, since I get tons of correspondence littered with capital letters all over. Why? Does it look fun? Aside from being distracting and oh-so-wrong, I like to try to figure out if there is any method. For example, if the writer is a native German speaker, I understand, since in German all nouns are capitalized. Perhaps the writer thinks it looks whimsical. Alas, I will never know because any email that blatantly WRONG goes directly in the trash, unread. If you aren't sure, best to keep your finger off the shift key altogether. The computer will do the work for you.
Capitalization is the writing of a word with its first letter in uppercase and the remaining letters in lowercase. Experienced writers are stingy with capitals. It is best not to use them if there is any doubt.
July 8, 2016
Don't Sound Stupid, part I
A new feature wherein I, Lydia, instruct you, the reader, not to make common, idiotic mistakes of grammar, syntax, or pronunciation of the English language, particularly errors that annoy me. As a review, the word "recognize" is pronounced rek-kog-nize, not reckin-nize.
A basic instruction text, pronounced "Prim-mer," with a short i.
The initial coat of paint, or pre-treatment, pronounced "Pri-mer," with a long i.
July 7, 2016
The World According to Jeff . . .
Found: the beginning or end of a high school essay . . .
"All in all, being a twin is very fun."
"All in all, being a twin is very fun."
July 2, 2016
Spoiled?
"They are acting like spoiled, entitled brats," my former husband emailed. Yes, by normal standards, our children certainly are. Hart almost sabotaged his new job when he pretended he couldn't hear his supervisor talking during a fire drill. Jeff has recently lost a number of jobs because he simply can't or won't follow a schedule.
I survived yet another of Jeff's pillaging raids on my house. The scam is like this: Jeff and I make plans, such as a dinner date. A few hours before I am to pick him up, Jeff calls to say that he prefers to come to my house, which he does. Then he disappears in the house, opening every cupboard and drawer and filling up bags, like Santa Claus in reverse. After I tell him that I am ready to go or that it is impolite to ransack a house that isn't yours, he gets mad and leaves abruptly with his booty.
It is unpleasant behavior, to be sure. The essence of autism is that an autistic person doesn't have "theory of mind," which is why I have said, "I can see that you don't want to spend time with me. You want to take stuff from my house. That is rude and hurts my feelings." To no avail.
This is the delicate dance. How much accommodation can we make for disabled people? It isn't a catch-all excuse for bad behavior. After two decades, I am still confounded by the task of extracting appropriate pro-social behavior. Now there are bosses, supervisors and housemates in the mix. Hart and Jeff are adults now. My influence is limited. In truth, it always was.
I survived yet another of Jeff's pillaging raids on my house. The scam is like this: Jeff and I make plans, such as a dinner date. A few hours before I am to pick him up, Jeff calls to say that he prefers to come to my house, which he does. Then he disappears in the house, opening every cupboard and drawer and filling up bags, like Santa Claus in reverse. After I tell him that I am ready to go or that it is impolite to ransack a house that isn't yours, he gets mad and leaves abruptly with his booty.
It is unpleasant behavior, to be sure. The essence of autism is that an autistic person doesn't have "theory of mind," which is why I have said, "I can see that you don't want to spend time with me. You want to take stuff from my house. That is rude and hurts my feelings." To no avail.
This is the delicate dance. How much accommodation can we make for disabled people? It isn't a catch-all excuse for bad behavior. After two decades, I am still confounded by the task of extracting appropriate pro-social behavior. Now there are bosses, supervisors and housemates in the mix. Hart and Jeff are adults now. My influence is limited. In truth, it always was.
May 3, 2016
February 14, 2016
January 14, 2016
Favorite London quotes, Dec 27, 2015 to Jan 2, 2016
Train conductor: You Americans are so friendly. Why are you always shooting each other?
Child looking a painting of nymphs in Kensington Palace: Mummy, is that the queen naked?
Passerby: My car broke down and I need seven pounds for petrol. Can you help?*
*I thought that scam was native to our fair land. Apparently, it is universal.
January 13, 2016
Online, lovelorn?
"In the mid-1980s, a now infamous Newsweek article declared that a single, college-educated 40-year-old woman was more likely to die in a terrorist attack than ever walk down the aisle. The claim, repeated in movies and sitcoms, convinced generations of women that if they weren’t married by 40, it probably wasn’t going to happen."
Yes, I remember the article from 1985. It has since been debunked but there is a new study that claims that single men over 45 are unlikely to marry . . . ever.
There has been immediate reaction, of course, from smug women and lovelorn men. One woman commented that if a man isn't unemployed or morbidly obese, he should consult a therapist immediately to find out what is wrong. That seems harsh but it holds a grain of truth.
A whole industry of experts is willing to advise on online profiles and photos, and there is lots of free dating advice online. As a veteran online dater, allow me to save you men money and time* with two simple, fail-safe bits of advice regarding online dating.
Yes, I remember the article from 1985. It has since been debunked but there is a new study that claims that single men over 45 are unlikely to marry . . . ever.
There has been immediate reaction, of course, from smug women and lovelorn men. One woman commented that if a man isn't unemployed or morbidly obese, he should consult a therapist immediately to find out what is wrong. That seems harsh but it holds a grain of truth.
A whole industry of experts is willing to advise on online profiles and photos, and there is lots of free dating advice online. As a veteran online dater, allow me to save you men money and time* with two simple, fail-safe bits of advice regarding online dating.
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. To people who are married or in a relationship, this must sound ridiculous but it isn't. I can only say that if you, a single man, contact a potential match, no matter how attractive, how charming, kind or smart you are, at some point you both have to be in the same room.
I have gotten better at sniffing out married men who are having a bit of fun late at night trawling around dating websites, but you, single eligible guy, what is your excuse? Pen-palling, catfishing and online flirting are not routes to a real relationship. Newsflash: neither are long daily phone conversations or endless texting.* You are going to keep posting bathroom selfies and photos of yourself behind the wheel of your car, no matter what anyone advises, right?
SAY SOMETHING. Hello! is not an opening line. It is a non-starter. Not wishing to be rude, I can always say hello back, but that isn't a conversation. So generally I will tolerate a few days of daily hellos, with an occasional "good morning" before I get bored and stop answering. True, Tinder doesn't offer a profile to comment on, but you can offer a whole sentence about yourself and see if that illicits a response. Go ahead, try it.
December 7, 2015
November 20, 2015
The Not Quite Empty Nest
https://globalgenes.org/raredaily/the-not-quite-empty-nest-when-you-have-a-young-adult-with-special-needs/
October 28, 2015
Not a Thing!
We often host friends for dinner, and have learned that not everyone shares our bathroom habits. What is a polite and kind way to ask guests to close the toilet lid before they flush?
Speaking of insecurity and fury born of ignorance, I had no idea that closing the lid before flushing was a thing. But a quick Internet search showed me for the barbarian I am. Many sources confirm that lid-up flushing disperses “polluted water vapor” all over the place in a bacterial free-for-all. So, thanks for the edification, Sarah. As for your concern, try a little sign: “Lid down before flushing, please.” You don’t want to talk about this at the table. And unless my parents skipped a seminal lesson in not being gross, I don’t believe this practice is widely observed, though it should be.
I eagerly read this question in the New York Times, not so much for the interesting and disgusting issue of lowering the toilet lid before flushing, but because it raises another current issue that has been on my mind. That is, the proliferation of friends and acquaintances who take offense due to transgressions of etiquette known only to themselves.
Was this always a problem? My understanding is that all rules of behavior fall under the rubric of the "golden rule" and specific minutia of etiquette simply codify that. The minutia may very from culture to culture but the intent is the same. (My beloved boss used to say that etiquette is the lubricant of social intercourse. That is about as good a description as any.) Now friends and acquaintances seem to be making up their own rules, then griping about transgressions.
I have a friend who posts her upcoming schedule, then complains that people don't respond to say that they are coming or not to events she has announced. "Huh?" I replied, when chastised. I thought it was a social media blast; I had no idea these updates were meant as invitations.
Another friend, and I hope this is an anomaly, prefers being told that you would rather stick sharp objects in your eyes that accompany him. Frankly, I thought saying, "No thank you" or "I am sorry but I am busy" was polite and sufficient, but it begs the follow-up question, "Why can't you go?" Then I am forced to say that I would rather stick sharp objects in my eyes. That feels a bit rude. We had a bit of a go-round on this issue, but I stand by my original answer. A rule that says one must provide a satisfactory excuse to the person who makes the invitation: not a thing!
A former friend made a habit of this type of thing. He would silently seethe over perceived rudeness, then cut the perpetrator off without a word. Before I was cut off, I ventured that it was unlikely that the former friends had any idea why they had been ex-communicated. If there is a lesson in this, it has been many years since I was ousted and I still don't know why.
But I have a guess that it is NOT A THING!
Speaking of insecurity and fury born of ignorance, I had no idea that closing the lid before flushing was a thing. But a quick Internet search showed me for the barbarian I am. Many sources confirm that lid-up flushing disperses “polluted water vapor” all over the place in a bacterial free-for-all. So, thanks for the edification, Sarah. As for your concern, try a little sign: “Lid down before flushing, please.” You don’t want to talk about this at the table. And unless my parents skipped a seminal lesson in not being gross, I don’t believe this practice is widely observed, though it should be.
I eagerly read this question in the New York Times, not so much for the interesting and disgusting issue of lowering the toilet lid before flushing, but because it raises another current issue that has been on my mind. That is, the proliferation of friends and acquaintances who take offense due to transgressions of etiquette known only to themselves.
Was this always a problem? My understanding is that all rules of behavior fall under the rubric of the "golden rule" and specific minutia of etiquette simply codify that. The minutia may very from culture to culture but the intent is the same. (My beloved boss used to say that etiquette is the lubricant of social intercourse. That is about as good a description as any.) Now friends and acquaintances seem to be making up their own rules, then griping about transgressions.
I have a friend who posts her upcoming schedule, then complains that people don't respond to say that they are coming or not to events she has announced. "Huh?" I replied, when chastised. I thought it was a social media blast; I had no idea these updates were meant as invitations.
Another friend, and I hope this is an anomaly, prefers being told that you would rather stick sharp objects in your eyes that accompany him. Frankly, I thought saying, "No thank you" or "I am sorry but I am busy" was polite and sufficient, but it begs the follow-up question, "Why can't you go?" Then I am forced to say that I would rather stick sharp objects in my eyes. That feels a bit rude. We had a bit of a go-round on this issue, but I stand by my original answer. A rule that says one must provide a satisfactory excuse to the person who makes the invitation: not a thing!
A former friend made a habit of this type of thing. He would silently seethe over perceived rudeness, then cut the perpetrator off without a word. Before I was cut off, I ventured that it was unlikely that the former friends had any idea why they had been ex-communicated. If there is a lesson in this, it has been many years since I was ousted and I still don't know why.
But I have a guess that it is NOT A THING!
September 27, 2015
5776 L'vad
Full disclosure: I am not a believer, nor am I particularly religious. However, I maintain a synagogue membership. I joke that I attend for the food, which is partially true. I participate during high holidays and fun holidays, Sukkot, Simchat Torah and Purim.
This year, during Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur 5776, I had a slowly dawning realization. Synagogue-going depresses me. Let me explain: I have been a member for over a decade and year after year, I attend alone or with one of the boys in tow. It is really sad. Synagogues, churches, spiritual communities are by their very nature, family-oriented and family-friendly. Maybe when the boys were small and we attended Tot Shabbat and the annual family retreat, I felt more part of this family community. For the past few years, I have greeted the people I know, then sat . . . alone.
The dinners and events used to be a treat, but recently I have begun to feel like it is the first day of high school and I have to scan the cafeteria for a face I know. "Hi, I am Lydia. May I join you?" It is getting old.
Everyone is friendly enough, of course. People make life-long friendships through their children's cohort. The parents whose kids were in the preschool program together are still close. Hart's and Jeff's peers would now be finished with college, had I met those parents through Hebrew School, which I did not, as my kids had to be tutored privately.
I love our synagogue, primarily for its inclusive and progressive nature, the camaraderie, the social justice activities. Until recently, we had a popular and charismatic rabbi. Maybe this year's rent-a-rabbi was a disappointment by comparison.
The take-away? Holiday blues are not just for those who celebrate Christmas.
This year, during Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur 5776, I had a slowly dawning realization. Synagogue-going depresses me. Let me explain: I have been a member for over a decade and year after year, I attend alone or with one of the boys in tow. It is really sad. Synagogues, churches, spiritual communities are by their very nature, family-oriented and family-friendly. Maybe when the boys were small and we attended Tot Shabbat and the annual family retreat, I felt more part of this family community. For the past few years, I have greeted the people I know, then sat . . . alone.
The dinners and events used to be a treat, but recently I have begun to feel like it is the first day of high school and I have to scan the cafeteria for a face I know. "Hi, I am Lydia. May I join you?" It is getting old.
Everyone is friendly enough, of course. People make life-long friendships through their children's cohort. The parents whose kids were in the preschool program together are still close. Hart's and Jeff's peers would now be finished with college, had I met those parents through Hebrew School, which I did not, as my kids had to be tutored privately.
I love our synagogue, primarily for its inclusive and progressive nature, the camaraderie, the social justice activities. Until recently, we had a popular and charismatic rabbi. Maybe this year's rent-a-rabbi was a disappointment by comparison.
The take-away? Holiday blues are not just for those who celebrate Christmas.
May 20, 2015
May 13, 2015
Parenting children, parenting parent
I don't think this crazy, right wing-nut
throwing money around is actually our mother . . . anymore.
I talk, text, email my brother almost every day, and always about the same topic...our mom. Our mother has always been argumentative and combative. She answers innocuous questions evasively. She has always preferred the most complicated, convoluted plans involving the most people, preferably with extensive letter-writing and emailing, when a single phone call will do. She was always like that, so it is hard to see the decline in the past few years. Somehow the ante has been upped.
We used to bicker about the ease of ATM or self-check out at the grocery store, now I am demanding to know why she is sending checks accompanied by letters via US Post to her property management company, when we set up an automatic debit for that. "I don't trust the people at the bank to send it on time," she told me. "There is an accurate computer to do the transaction," I sighed. "There isn't actually a person in the back with a quill and an eye shade, touching your money."
My friend Darren, who knows Mom from the old Ohio days, describes my feelings as "sangry." Yes, I am sad to see her acting foolishly, but I am angry that she won't listen to reason. I keep questioning myself as to whether this is really a change. It has been such a gradual decline, and a decline in someone who has always been eccentric, so it is really hard to tell.
However, the crazy right-wing rhetoric has convinced me that our mom is really gone, and the person I am talking to is some strange through-the-looking-glass avatar of her. I write so that I remember her, the founder of a program for impoverished urban kids to spend a vacation with another family. (OK, it WAS the 60s.) She hosted a number of exchange students; she led Girl Scout troops. She owned properties once, and when someone asked her why she rented to family with children, she replied indignantly that poor families had a right to live somewhere, too.
Mom has always been a person without any vanity or snobbery or prejudice, so it is unnerving to hear her spout stuff that would make Fox News look centrist.
It is tragic to lose a parent, of course. But that is the human condition, people have children and usually children outlive them. But Mom has outlived herself. We know someone who looks like her, and has her clothes, but isn't really her. Once in a while though, she is so lucid and cogent and in-the-moment, I have this pang that I have misjudged her condition. I suspect these moments will become rarer and rarer.
throwing money around is actually our mother . . . anymore.
______________________________ email to my brother
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| Chicago 1998 |
I talk, text, email my brother almost every day, and always about the same topic...our mom. Our mother has always been argumentative and combative. She answers innocuous questions evasively. She has always preferred the most complicated, convoluted plans involving the most people, preferably with extensive letter-writing and emailing, when a single phone call will do. She was always like that, so it is hard to see the decline in the past few years. Somehow the ante has been upped.
We used to bicker about the ease of ATM or self-check out at the grocery store, now I am demanding to know why she is sending checks accompanied by letters via US Post to her property management company, when we set up an automatic debit for that. "I don't trust the people at the bank to send it on time," she told me. "There is an accurate computer to do the transaction," I sighed. "There isn't actually a person in the back with a quill and an eye shade, touching your money."
My friend Darren, who knows Mom from the old Ohio days, describes my feelings as "sangry." Yes, I am sad to see her acting foolishly, but I am angry that she won't listen to reason. I keep questioning myself as to whether this is really a change. It has been such a gradual decline, and a decline in someone who has always been eccentric, so it is really hard to tell.
However, the crazy right-wing rhetoric has convinced me that our mom is really gone, and the person I am talking to is some strange through-the-looking-glass avatar of her. I write so that I remember her, the founder of a program for impoverished urban kids to spend a vacation with another family. (OK, it WAS the 60s.) She hosted a number of exchange students; she led Girl Scout troops. She owned properties once, and when someone asked her why she rented to family with children, she replied indignantly that poor families had a right to live somewhere, too.
Mom has always been a person without any vanity or snobbery or prejudice, so it is unnerving to hear her spout stuff that would make Fox News look centrist.
It is tragic to lose a parent, of course. But that is the human condition, people have children and usually children outlive them. But Mom has outlived herself. We know someone who looks like her, and has her clothes, but isn't really her. Once in a while though, she is so lucid and cogent and in-the-moment, I have this pang that I have misjudged her condition. I suspect these moments will become rarer and rarer.
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